XOXO, Guardian Gurl: New Year, New Roommate

Dear Guardian Gurl,
Housing selection for next year is coming up and I don’t want to live with my current roommate again. She’s not a horrible roommate, I just think I’m more compatible with one of our suitemates. But she assumes that we’re going to live together next year and I don’t know how to tell her without hurting her feelings. Please help.
New Year, New Roommate

Dear New Year, New Roommate,

Thanks for the question! I get how this can be a potentially awkward situation, since you don’t want to hurt your roommate’s feelings, especially since you’ll still be living together for the rest of this school year. However, I feel like being honest with her is really important, so she can figure out other options as soon as possible. 

It may help to think about why you don’t want to live with your current roommate next year: Are your waking/sleeping schedules not aligned, are your cleanliness patterns different, or do you just want to try living with someone else? Once you have your answers, strike up a conversation about housing one afternoon and ask her what she thinks. If she says that she wants you two to live together, mention that you’ve been thinking about rooming with your suitemate. You can say exactly what you said to me — that you feel like you would be more compatible with your suitemate, because of x, y, and z. Make sure to use “I feel” statements so that you’re not generalizing.

If she gets sad or angry, explain that you’re making this decision for your own well-being and that it doesn’t mean you hate her. If you two just aren’t compatible as roommates but are still good friends, you could offer for you two to share the same apartment, just not the same room. If she’s fine with getting a single, then problem solved! If she wants a double, offer to help her find another roommate if there’s nobody she has in mind. 

Housing can be really complicated and I know it’s ruined friendships in the past. Don’t let that happen to you, and don’t leave your current roommate without a safe and comfortable place to live, because she deserves that too. Hope you win the housing lottery — I know we’re all dreaming of Tamarack. 

XOXO, Guardian Gurl 

“xoxo guardian gurl” is the UCSD Guardian’s newest advice column. Fill out the form at tinyurl.com/ask-guardian-gurl to ask Guardian Gurl any questions.

Image courtesy of Anthony Tran.