The Perfect Halloween Costume

So, it’s the day of Halloween and you haven’t even thought about your costume. Whether it was out of sheer laziness or midterms keeping you busy, the fact of the matter is, you goofed up. But fear not! I have been in this exact situation before, and have devised the perfect Halloween costume that can be made in under a day!

The first thing you’ll need is a mask. My personal favorite is a Yakuza mask, specifically from the Tokugawa Shogunate era of Japan. While this choice has been met with much criticism by people (who don’t dress up for Halloween), I’ve found it to be a perfect mask. It hides your age so adults can’t question why a college student is still trick-or-treating, and avoids sending them screaming in true Halloween fashion. I’d recommend sprinkling fake blood on top of the mask, even going as far as carrying a plastic knife around if you want to give them a proper scare. 

But wait, I hear you saying, “what if I get cold while trick-or-treating?” A trivial matter easily solved with one of the greatest temperature regulators known (to me): feathers. These can be gathered from local birds across campus, and the best part is that they’re free of charge! Yes, I can already hear complaints about having to gather feathers, but I never said this costume would be easy. Some of my colleagues use tape for making the feathers stick, but I prefer using glue. It’s much easier to coat your body in all the feathers rather than tape each individual feather. Plus, it does wonders for your pores.

At the end of the day though, Halloween is about candy. The uninitiated will think to bring more bags to hold more candy, but for this costume, I take this concept to the next level. To maximize candy, mannequins will be your best friends. Simply drape them in a white blanket, as if they were wearing a ghost costume, make them hold a pillow case, and pretend they’re real trick-or-treaters. And boom! You’ve just multiplied your candy haul tenfold. Make sure the mannequins are small enough to pass as children; that way they’ll be more likely to get more candy. Then, attach a string to them and drag your new “friends” along with you through the night.

This may seem rather daunting, but with enough motivation and elbow grease, you’ll find your way. However, as the creator of this idea, I do require a 20% interest fee on the candy you receive. You can leave it in the basement of Geisel Library — I’ll know where to find it. Happy Halloween and may the perfect costume lead you to many candy riches!

Photo vis Sabina Music Rich on Unsplash

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