Disreguardian: 10 Songs To Sing While You Wash Your Hands

The pandemic has everyone and their mother reminding us to wash our hands for 20 seconds, meaning that “Happy Birthday” twice is reverberating in bathrooms across the country. If the people you’re quarantining with are sick and tired of hearing the ABCs, here are ten snippets of songs to add to your handwashing repertoire. 

For all my musical theatre lovers, hand-washing is just another excuse to belt out a show stopping tune. Here’s “On My Own” from Les Mis — feel free to add more dramatic pauses to make sure your hands are extra clean. 

“I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river’s just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers”

Can’t get enough of Lil Nas X? Now’s the perfect time to bring back “Old Town Road” 

“Yeah, I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road
I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more
I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road
I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more”

If you’ve been spending all your quarantine time on Tik Tok, Doja Cat’s “Say So” should be easy to recall — just be sure to sing it twice!

“Why don’t you say so?
Didn’t even notice, no punches left to roll with
You got to keep me focused, you want it, say so”

Feeling simpy? Lean into it with Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me” 

“Oh, won’t you stay with me?
‘Cause you’re all I need
This ain’t love, it’s clear to see
But darling, stay with me”

Those with kids or younger siblings will definitely be familiar with “Baby Shark” — two verses will take you right under 20 seconds

“Baby Shark
Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Baby Shark
Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Baby Shark
Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Baby Shark

Mommy Shark
Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Mommy Shark
Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Mommy Shark
Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Mommy Shark”

Throw it back to the 2000s with Natasha Bedingfield’s “Unwritten”

“Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten”

The title of the TLC song may be “No Scrubs,” but your hands will be well scrubbed once you finish this chorus 

“And no, I don’t want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride
Trying to holler at me
I don’t want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride
Trying to holler at me”

Everyone loves a Disney Channel classic, and what’s better than the iconic “Send It On,” featuring Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, and the Jonas Brothers? 

“Send it on, on and on
Just one hand can heal another
Be a part, reach your heart
Just one spark starts a fire
With one little action
The chain reaction will never stop
Make it strong
Shine a light, and send it on”

If you were more of a Nickelodeon kid, we’ve got one for you too. Try “Give It Up” from “Victorious”, because, in the famous words of Victoria Justice, “we can all sing.” 

“Give it up
You can’t win
‘Cause I know where you’ve been
Such a shame you don’t put up a fight
That’s a game that we play at the end of the night
It’s the same old story but you never get it right
Give it up”

And finally, if you’re having trouble remembering song lyrics, Usher’s “Yeah!” is the song for you — just be sure to sing it twice! 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah”

Editor’s Note: The Disreguardian is satire published annually for The Guardian’s April Fool’s issue. Lifestyle will resume publishing regular content next week.

Art by Susan Sun

One thought on “Disreguardian: 10 Songs To Sing While You Wash Your Hands

  1. It seems like “Happy Birthday” is going the way of the dinosaurs because people don’t want to sing it every time they wash their hands. I kind of agree with that. I am singing a song I learned when I was 5 years old called “I’m a Policeman” This song was written and sung by West Virginia’s Mountain Stage founder Larry Groce when he worked with Disney

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