What’s more awkward, poor Suzy Actress (Naomi Watts’ Ann Darrow) teaming up with the overeager cellophane Jew (Adrien Brody’s Jack Driscoll) for a few breaths of a plasticky faux-mance in the first third of the Most Unnecessarily Long Monster Movie Ever? Or the previously mentioned poor Suzy, replete with a freshly introduced furry animal fetish, jiggling her neglected melons for a T-Rex-chomping, 100-foot-tall gorilla?
Tough Love: Size matters for this star-crossed couple. King Kong and Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts) are nearly the most awkard couple in this dinosaurs-and-centipedes popcorn flick.
The thought of Brody and Watts isn’t quite as inane as the absurd stitch at the center of the movie’s plot: a not so subtly suggested romantic relationship between a diminutive, blonde human and King Kong. But the filmic reality of the two humans used the same mystical Hollywood glue as the girl and the gorilla — only with far less success. So there’s our answer: Woman and ape is no match made in heaven, but what sort of mercy (or respect) can we have for the man who drove precious Watts to the 18-ton gorilla?
