How to Prepare

• Hand sanitizer (Porta potties are not pretty.)
• Sunscreen (While magical, the Sun God will not protect you from melanoma.)
• Hydrate (Water before, water during, water after. Think Aquatica because if you don’t hydrate, SeaWorld will.)
• Meditation and yoga (Deep breaths — not a panic attack. Yes, you will get to hear STRFKR; calm down.)

What to Bring

• Phone (and phone charger because someone needs to have an obnoxious Snapchat barrage.)
• Disposable camera (If you borrow your uncle’s Nikon D4, chances are you’ll have to flee the country and find a wig.)
• Cellphone cardholder (Keep your friends close and your ID card closer.)
• Chapstick (Channel your inner Sasha Fierce with confidence knowing your lips are protected.)

What NOT to Bring

• Cash (There are vendors, but let’s be real: Save your money for something with nutritional value that won’t strip your credit card of its dignity.)
• Instruments (Okay, you’re a snake charmer, I believe you. But, please, leave your flute at home, or you’ll be sent home by security.)
• Pictures of Snoop Dogg (Just because you printed out a Tumblr photoset does not mean Snoopie’s going to sign it.)
• Your selfie stick (Is it too much trouble to ask a nearby festival-goer for a photo? You might even make a friend or two, or a mortal enemy, in the process.)
• Your mother (Sorry, Mum, but this would only work in theory. You don’t want to know what goes down at the festival.)
• Your chihuahua (High chance of losing your best friend in the crowd — meaning, leave.)
• Backpack (This ain’t no Dora the Explorer, honey.)
• Nintendo 3DS (Sorry, but why would you want to Streetpass when you could Bonkey Kong around?)
• Drugs (To be blunt, no.)

What to Wear

• Headband (You do want to see Snoop Dog, right?)
• Converse (classically comfy)
• Thrifted fanny pack (Although the term is highly offensive to Australians, matronly accessories are the new black this year.)
• Baseball hat (Show off your obnoxious pride while preventing your head from developing a malignant skin cancer.)
• A watch (Time is a social construct, but anyone that’s out of time is out of mind.)
• Sunglasses (So nobody will see the midterm bags under your eyes.)

 What not to Wear

• Light-colored clothing (This is not a stain-resistant environment. Don’t spend your post-Sun God Festival Monday morning hunting down a Tide to Go bleach pen.)
• Sandals (Protect your phalanges. They don’t grow back.)
• Skinny jeans (Dancing just isn’t possible in these death traps.)
• Jacket (This is the Sun God Festival not the Arctic. Might want to get a refund for your easy three-step online degree in geography. De nada.)
• Chunky jewelry (You never know when someone will use your own adornments against you.)
• Your retainer (Your orthodontist will forgive you, but let’s be real: You haven’t worn it for the past month. Don’t tell him I said that!)

Time Sensitive Mixed Drinks

Got an hour?

Berry-flavored liquor

+

Champagne

+

Basil leaves

Got a few minutes?

Planter’s punch (in the face)

+

Rum

+

Lemon juice

+

Grenadine syrup

+

Fruit juice (Based on personal preference. But please, refrain from using Kool-Aid, cause that ain’t crunk)

Got about thirty seconds?

Fireball

+

Apple juice