Eating in college is, more often than not, about fighting malnutrition while spending as little as possible. Then, you move off campus and struggle anew to find ways to feed yourself without the easy, accessible dining halls. 

So, I introduce to you: Spunions! My roommate Decheng’s and my specialty, this quick, 20-minute meal has been a staple of our diets throughout our four years at UC San Diego. Seeing as I will be shuffling off to greater things — like employment — in a month’s time, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to pass this recipe on for future generations to enjoy. 

If you’re looking for the perfect meal for two, Spunions always has you covered. Whether you are cramming for a final the day before and don’t have time to make a fancy meal, or are simply starving for a weeknight snack, this meal is a lifesaver during rough times. Spunions could even be a great date night meal — just be sure to dial back on the onions. 

When we first made Spunions, it was out of pure necessity. Sitting in our new off-campus apartment, only days into our third year, we thought to ourselves: What meal can we quickly put together to satisfy our daily nutritional needs, while also tasting somewhat edible? Upon conducting a quick pantry inspection, we found one can of Spam, a single onion, and some loose rice. Snatching those ingredients off the shelf, we gathered the ultimate trio of nutrition: meat, carbs, and vegetables.

“Good enough for us!” we said, and off to cooking we went. 

So, “How do you make Spunions,” you ask? Well, it’s simple — read on and find out. 

Ingredients: (serves 2) 

• 1 can Spam 
• ½  large onion 
• 2 cups long grain rice 

Step 1: Let your stress out

Start by giving the rice a thorough rinse. You can do this however you would like; I prefer to do it directly in the rice cooker since it’s easier and there are fewer dishes to wash. I like to swirl and scrunch the rice in between my fingers to release extra stress. 

Bonus tip: Don’t be afraid to get aggressive when washing your rice. Imagine each grain of rice as a different ex that did you wrong.

Once you’ve washed your rice sufficiently — about 2 or 3 times — fill the water and use your finger to measure the amount until the water level is at the first notch of your index finger. If my Filipino parents have taught me anything, it’s that the finger trick is a foolproof method for cooking the warmest and fluffiest rice. Start the rice cooker now, and it should all be ready by the time everything else is cooked. 

Step 2: Cue the waterworks

Spunions is a very quick dish to put together, so you’ll want to have all the ingredients at the ready before we start cooking. The last thing you want is to burn your onions because you spent too long cutting the Spam. As the French say, “mise en place,” or “everything in place.” As a former French student, I can confirm Spunions is the only time my French semi-fluency has ever come in handy. 

I usually chop an onion in half and then slice half moon rings. My roommate and I like to use half an onion total for the two of us — fewer tears to be shed. But if you do start crying, just blame it on your exes again! 

Step 3: Bust out the tape measure 

I am very particular about the thickness of the Spam — not too thin that it becomes crackly like a piece of bacon when cooked, but also not so thick that you remember you’re biting into a thick slab of processed meat and stork ankles, probably. In my humble opinion, about 1/4 of an inch is just right. 

Step 4: Cook!

Now that we have our mise en place, start with a little oil in a pan on medium-high heat. Once the oil begins to shimmer, toss in your onions. I like to use chopsticks as it gives me the most control over the onions and Spam; plus, I have fewer dishes to wash at the end. You want to cook the onions until they are soft and translucent, but slightly charred. Once you’ve achieved this and your kitchen is perfumed with the delicious smell of sweet onions, take them out and set them aside. 

Next, lay your Spam in the pan. Cook the Spam until it develops a solid crust on both sides, making sure not to burn it. Repeat this process until you have cooked all of your Spam, by which point your rice should be done.

Bonus tip: If you cut the Spam to the correct thickness, it should only take about two to three minutes per side to be done in a medium-high heat pan. It is also easiest to flip the pieces with chopsticks! 

Step 5: Bon appétit! 

Take the lid off and give your rice a good fluff before plating it with your Spunions. There’s no need for any fancy plating; I firmly believe that the best college meals are defined by how easily you can shovel them into your mouth. Feel free to sprinkle some furikake seasoning on top of the rice to give the dish a slightly more interesting texture and complex flavor. And after that, tuck in with some water, homework, maybe even a beer or two, and be thankful that you don’t have to use French again in the near future. Enjoy, or as the French say, bon appétit!