It is officially that time of year when UC San Diego students are released for the hottest holiday of the year: Black Friday. I have just learned that this coveted event conveniently follows something called “Thanksgiving,” which students also seem to get off for some reason. While this “Thanksgiving” may not share the same anticipation of eagerly tenting outside a Best Buy for 12 hours, I can admit it has its charms. For starters, it has its own parade, which is a sure tell that something has really “made it” in society. And I mean, who doesn’t love a good ol’ gourd or cornucopia? But let’s not forget the true star of the show, the cuisine.
If you are like me and you are sick and tired of the same old bird being served every single year, boy are you in luck. These three simple alternatives are a foolproof way to impress your guests and your taste buds.
This year, try exchanging the turkey for another poultry choice. However, this is not an excuse to throw some chicken into the oven and call it a day. Be greater, be bold! If it flies, caws, or chirps, it is fair game. Some fan favorites this year include toucan, crow, emu, and more recently, swan.
Unless it is your Thanksgiving goal to headline the news, be sure you are sourcing the star of your feast from a reliable source. In case this was not clear, your local park or pond is NOT that. Places like TEMU or TikTok Creator Shop are great places to bypass ethical questions. This year, the turkeys will thank you for your generosity and consideration.
This second alternative is perfect for the creative chefs out there. Ditch anything edible entirely and try a wax melt turkey this year. Popularized by TikTok, the aesthetic of food has become much more important than its actual purpose. Surprise your guests this year with the ultimate challenge: is it food or is it wax? Feel free to customize your wax turkey with various different autumnal scents, such as stress from finals or familial arguing. And of course, nothing says holiday cheer like being sustainable. This eco-friendly option will last you for Thanksgivings to come!
This last alternative is for all of the vegetarian Tritons out there! If you are still looking for something edible that contains absolutely zero animal products, try a Jello turkey! Despite the fact that the media portrays Jello as being made “with animal products,” do not be fooled. Gelatin is a great, easy alternative with loads of customizability! I will even bet all of my life savings that you have never tried a blue raspberry Jello turkey. And you know what they say, 2023 is the year of new beginnings, so why not start here? Just to reiterate, this is 100%, positively, safe to eat for vegetarians! Just like how I am an honest person, 100% of the time.
If you have any bones to pick with any of these alternatives, please feel free to keep all thoughts to yourself. If you must, please direct any negative comments to online outlets like Reddit or Instagram Reels comment sections.
