Valentine’s Day Rizz-o-Meter

Valentines Day Rizz-o-Meter
Image by Ava Bayley for The UCSD Guardian

Welcome to The UCSD Guardian’s Valentine’s Day Rizz-o-Meter! Imagine you’re planning out your first date and choose an item from each category that you think would make for an excellent first date. However, choose carefully — each choice is worth a different amount of rizz points. Get 15 or more, and you’ll land a second date; get 14 or less, and well, ya know, you won’t. Test your charisma, and may the odds be ever in your favor!

Movies

Pick a movie you’d watch with your date.

“13 Going on 30”

Jenna Rink finds out there’s more to being “30, flirty, and thriving” than a 13-year-old can handle when a birthday wish to turn 30 comes true. Her newfound adult life makes her question her choices — and her relationships.

Image courtesy of Sony Picture Entertainment

“Gone Girl”

When you love your wife so much that you’re the number one suspect in her sudden disappearance.

Image courtesy of Box Office Mojo

“American Psycho”

The sigma mindset will have you obsessed with Huey Lewis, overanalyzing your coworker’s business cards, and going on a murder spree that may or may not be a delusion.

Image courtesy of Box Office Mojo

“Eternal Sunshine”

Gone AND forgotten… Imagine the greatest relationship, but the breakup is so bad that you need to completely erase the other person from your memory. For good.

Image courtesy of Tuscon Weekly

“When Harry Met Sally”

Sally Albright disagrees when Harry Burns argues “men and women can’t be friends.” Naturally, the two become besties, and growing feelings threaten to ruin their friendship.

Image courtesy of Box Office Mojo

Music

Whether you’re driving together or laying in bed, choose the soundtrack.

“Let’s Be Friends” – Carly Rae Jepsen

Tell this to your crush, it works every time, trust us 🙂

Image courtesy of Soundcloud

“You Belong With Me” – Taylor Swift

Ms. Swift gave hope to yearning band geeks everywhere with this impossibly catchy ballad.

Image courtesy of Soundcloud

“Cbat” – Hudson Mohawke

As one Reddit user calls it, “a good love-making song with good rhythm.”

Image courtesy of Spotify

“I Will Always Love You” – Whitney Houston

When you forget to tell your date/partner, let Whitney Houston do it for you!

Image courtesy of IMDb

“She” – Tyler, the Creator

The beginning advocates for safe sex — very romantic!

Image courtesy of Spotify

“Rock With You” – Michael Jackson

There’s just something about Michael Jackson and this song that can make the mood of any date instantly better.

Image courtesy of Discogs

Sitcom Couples

How would you describe the ideal dynamic between you and your date?

Jim and Pam – “The Office”

When you have an office crush, you enjoy each other’s company.

Image courtesy of EOnline.com

Nick and Jess – “New Girl”

And they were roommates!

Image courtesy of People Magazine

Jake and Amy – “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”

With a dynamic like theirs, no crime goes unsolved.

Image courtesy of Yahoo

Leslie and Ben – “Parks & Recreation”

Truly the most incredible power duo in all sitcom history. They definitely gave birth to the hardest-working baby.

Image courtesy of Entertainment Weekly

Jerry and Elaine – “Seinfeld”

They’re exes, which means they make the best of friends.

Image courtesy of Pinterest

Best Kiss

Choose wisely, nobody likes a bad first kiss … unless you’re into that sorta thing.

Spider-Man’s Upside-Down Kiss

Even with the blood traveling to your head (not that head, dummy), that won’t stop you from a good kiss.

Image courtesy of Killing Time

“The Notebook” (kiss in the rain)

Calling up your ex seven years later only works if you’re Ryan Gosling.

Image courtesy of The Daily Edge

“Lady and the Tramp”

There’s nothing more romantic than sharing the same strand of spaghetti with your paw-tner.

Image courtesy of BBC

“Sleeping Beauty”

In case you didn’t realize, a true love’s kiss requires consent.

Image courtesy of Of Fact and Fantasy

Marty and Lorraine – “Back to the Future”

Taking MILF lover to a whole new level.

Image courtesy of WhatCulture.com

San Diego Date Spots

Now, let’s wrap it all up with where you’d take your date.

La Jolla Cove

Nice views, just make sure to kiss the seals too.

Image courtesy of San Diego

Birch Aquarium

Taking them on the free weekend, huh? No judgment — the fishies are so nice, you’ll get distracted from your date.

Image courtesy of True Photography

Balboa Park

When you want to appear artsy for your date, the museums have you covered.

Image courtesy of Travel in USA

Gliderport

Every UCSD first-year takes their date here. Be original, please (still nice though).

Image courtesy of Flickr

Sun God Lawn

A good place to kiss (consensually, of course)., You just need to ask Sunny for consent too.

Image courtesy of Foursqaure

Geisel During Week 6

Who doesn’t like Audrey’s coffee with a side of C.S. B.O.?

Image courtesy of Zaubee

Now add up your points!

Movies

  • “13 Going on 30” = 4
  • “Gone Girl” = 2
  • “American Psycho” = 1
  • “Eternal Sunshine ” = 3
  • “When Harry Met Sally” = 5

Music

  • “Let’s Be Friends” – Carly Rae Jepsen = 2
  • “You Belong With Me” – Taylor Swift = 3
  • “Cbat” – Hudson Mohawke = Instant Loss
  • “I Will Always Love you” – Whitney Houston = 4
  • “She” – Tyler, the Creation = 1
  • “Rock With You” – Michael Jackson = 5

Sitcom Couples

  • Jim and Pam – “The Office” = 2
  • Nick and Jess – “New Girl” = 3
  • Jake and Amy – “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” = 4
  • Leslie and Ben – “Parks & Recreation” = 5
  • Jerry and Elaine – “Seinfeld” = 1

Best Kiss

  • Spider-Man’s Upside-Down Kiss = 4
  • “The Notebook” (Kiss in the Rain) = 5
  • “Lady and the Tramp” = 3
  • “Sleeping Beauty” = 1
  • Marty and Lorraine – “Back to the Future” =Instant Loss

Date Spots

  • La Jolla Cove = 5
  • Birch Aquarium = 4
  • Balboa Park = 3
  • Gliderport = 2
  • Sun God Lawn = 1
  • Geisel = 0

Check your results!

Total possible score: 25 | Lowest possible score: 0 (including instant losses)
You need at least 15 points to secure a second date.

Winner (15 or higher): Congrats! You were able to secure a second date! Maybe not all UCSD students are as socially deprived as people think! You keep going, you Casanova, you.

Loser (14 or lower): Aw shucks, you didn’t get a second date. It’s alright, just take a couple of lessons from us at The Guardian, and you’ll be able to get ‘em next time, tiger!

0 = Rizzitenship Denied 
You really messed up to be here. You either chose Geisel, Cbat, or the Back to the Future kiss. Either way, you’ve had your rizzitenship denied, and now you’re stuck in our quiz for the rest of time, kinda like how Tom Hanks was stuck in the airport in that one movie. Enjoy your time here, we’ve got rizzoto to help you get your rizz up.

1-5 = Natural Rizzaster
Ok look, this may seem pretty bad, but hear us out. Although the date didn’t go quite as planned … who am I kidding? You really messed up. You got rocked like a hurricane, word to Scorpions. Actually, even Scorpion would say “Stay over there!” But not to worry, like all natural rizzasters, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. Time to get rebuilding!

6-9(nice) = From the state of Rizzouri
Much like the actual state of Missouri, nobody wants to be there. Welcome to perpetual purgatory: not low enough for no rizz, not high enough to have rizz, simply in the middle. However, think about it this way, at least you have the funny numbers. Can anyone else say that? Don’t think so, but don’t let this get you down. Although this is purgatory, you always have a shot at Rizzurection.

10-14 = Rizzosaurus Rex
People love you, but there’s a reason the dinosaurs are extinct: they lacked enough rizz to survive the mid-eorite. You were on the verge of greatness, but, alas, you came up just short. But hey, look on the bright side, at least your remains will be on display forever for people to see at the natural rizztory museum. 

15-19 = Mike Rizzowski
Congratulations, whether you barely made the cut, or got in with a safe amount, you are a part of the club at the Rizz Calrton. Just like Mikey, nobody expects you to have the amount of rizz you possess, but your green, one-eyed body doesn’t tell the whole story. You’re funny, cool under pressure, and a natural-born leader. After all, if you didn’t have rizz, how would you pull a baddie like Celia Mae (who also has rizz).

20-24= Professor of Rizzonomics
You’re kind of like Indiana Jones: a professor by day, Casanova by night. You have the charisma for an entire lifetime of adventures. Every day you tell yourself that this is gonna be The Last Rizzade; yet, you keep coming back for more. But, lucky for you, everyone loves a tough adventurer who is resourceful but has a little soft side. 

25 = Matthew Rizzley
If you get this, you truly are a Guardian stan (and that alone gives you all the rizz). You are the embodiment of rizz that people look up to. On campus, the raccoons bring you snacks. You are the center of attention everywhere you go, and everyone wants you. You can’t even step foot at UCSD without 10 people trying to do their best impression of Brock interacting with Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy. You have an electrifying aura to you — word to Rizzachu.

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About the Contributor
Ava Bayley
Ava Bayley, Art Editor
As the Art Editor, Ava spends the majority of her time double majoring in Human Biology and Sociology, working as an EMT, and pursuing medicine as a career. Anything to avoid actually doing art.
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    testmyspeed.onlFeb 19, 2023 at 7:29 am

    At one point, he even came down from the stage and walked up to the barrier to be closer to the crowd and keep on rapping, it was something that I wasn’t expecting and he stayed there for a considerable amount of time.

    Reply