Dear Guardian Gurl,
I recently reconnected with a friend who ghosted me for the past three months right after hooking up. He was the one who texted me first and he apologized for going MIA. He said he still thinks about the day we hooked up and even specified details of the hook up that he has missed the most. Before he ghosted me, I was starting to develop feelings for him, so I thought that by him texting me again that something could happen between us. However, after checking his instagram through a friend’s account (I don’t have any social media besides Facebook), I found out he has a girlfriend. I confronted him about why he sent flirtatious and suggestive texts to me while in a relationship and he told me he was “just reminiscing,” as friends apparently do. Long story short, I told him that it’s best that we cut communication and he agreed. Now I’m conflicted: should I message the girlfriend about the texts or leave it alone? I understand the pros and cons of both choices, but I’m still concerned about her not knowing. Yes, they were just texts, but in my opinion, one shouldn’t text a past hookup telling them they miss them and go into detail about what they miss most while they’re in a relationship.
Female looking out for her fellow female
Dear Female Looking Out For Her Fellow Female,
This can be a real tough one! First of all, good on you for being skeptical of Mr. Ghost. I’ve gone through a similar thing where I was ghosted for a few months and continued to go back to him. Three words, girl: not worth it. I’m glad you were able to stand strong!
When it comes to a situation like this, I often say you should go with what your gut tells you. He ghosted you, tried to come back, and he had a girlfriend the whole time! Something tells me this guy isn’t thinking much with his head, but rather something else instead… If he is with someone and tries to text another girl about something not-so-PG-13, I think that is a red flag for everyone involved. He made a choice to text you, so he should know that will come with consequences!
To make it simple, put yourself in his girlfriend’s place. If you were her, would you want to know if your boyfriend was texting other girls? Especially a girl he’s had a romantic history with? I know if I was her, I’d sure want to know. If you come clean to her, it’s not like you’ve done anything wrong. If you keep it to yourself and it somehow comes out later, you might seem a little sus, as the kids say. So my advice to you is to stick to the Girl Code and let this man deal with his own actions. You got this, girl!
“xoxo guardian gurl” is the UCSD Guardian’s newest advice column. Fill out the form at tinyurl.com/ask-guardian-gurl to ask Guardian Gurl any questions.