Practicing social distancing like a good humanitarian? Taking other people’s lives into consideration? We sure hope you are! Like every protagonist in a dystopian world without toilet paper, you need a killer soundtrack. Here’s A&E’s top songs to listen to while you stay inside, experience emotion again, and learn how to bake sourdough bread.

Love at First Breakout Room

First comes your heart lighting up when their box lights up on Zoom, then comes a breakout room for two, until you know you’re ready for it … that first DM.

• “Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum
• “Hey There Delilah” by Plain White T’s
• “Kiss Me Thru The Phone” by Soulja Boy ft. Sammie
• “In My Dreams” by Kali Uchis
• “Haven’t Met You Yet” by Michael Bublé

I Miss Him (G—– Library)

When UC Socially Dead turned into UC Social Distancing, you didn’t realize that the peak of your college social life would be breaking down in G—– instead of Zoom.

• “In My Room” by Frank Ocean
• “Supalonely” by BENEE ft. Gus Dapperton
• “Bye Bye Bye” by NSYNC
• “See You Again” by Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth
• “Nobody” by Mitski

Don’t Shave Your Head

I don’t care if you’re going to be inside for the next few months — just buy Animal Crossing instead.

• “Help!” by The Beatles
• “Stop” by Spice Girls
• “Wait a Minute!” by Willow
• “You Need to Calm Down” by Taylor Swift
• “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor

Art by Anthony Tran.

Editor’s Note: The DisreGuardian is a satire issue published annually for The UCSD Guardian’s April Fool’s issue. Arts & Entertainment will continue publishing normal content next week. (However, you can find this playlist on our Spotify @ucsdtheeguardian, if you’re interested.)