Disreguardian: Hide-and-Go-Seek Club Freshman Sets School Record

Photo Courtesy Mariyah Shad/UCSD Guardian

It’s been three weeks. He hasn’t gone to class because he hasn’t needed to. He’s had his food delivered to him by friends outside the club. He’s slunk his way into bathrooms without being found. He asked that his identity and location be kept secret. 

This freshman member of the UC S– D—- Hide-and-Go-Seek club is going on 2 full weeks without being found.

“It started out as just another Wednesday,” the master hider said. “But after I spent the night out under the stars I realized how I was in too deep to quit.”

Obviously, Hide-and-Go-Seek club rules dictate that our hider cannot disclose secrets about the rules and regulations of the club, and why he could not simply forfeit and give up instead of facing the cold, unforgiving La Jolla nights. But our master hider had no problem recounting his thought process and his emotions from various moments across his stakeout. 

After spending his first night outdoors, he had a friend secretly deliver him a blanket and jacket along with other minimal supplies. Prepared to miss class the next day if need be, the master hider’s phone began buzzing nonstop the next morning as his professors began canceling the rest of their Week 10 in-person classes. That was all he needed to set his sights on the record.

“One night outdoors is not unheard of within our club, but an entire week would set the school record, so I decided to push on,” he said.

While he continued to receive supply drops from friends, other members of the Hide-and-Go-Seek club began to worry. Their reputations as seekers were being seriously tested by this freshman, especially because finding him was proving more difficult than normal.

“Part of the reason he’s been able to set this record so easily is that none of us remember who he is,” Sixth College sophomore and Team Captain Sean Dearden said. “We know we had a freshman join but we never really initiated him, he just kind of would show up to our events uninvited. Honestly, I don’t even remember what he looks like.”

Nonetheless, this mysterious freshman has managed to blow past the original record of one week set by Dearden earlier this year. With the new quarter set to begin, the master hider has not contacted the UCSD Guardian in a few days, in a planned effort to completely mask his location and identity. But do not fear, the freshman managed to access WebReg and ensure his place in four classes this upcoming quarter, and he’s still in good spirits. And with campus becoming increasingly quiet, his record is showing no signs of ending any time soon.

Editor’s Note: The DisreGuardian is satirical and is published annually for The Guardian’s April Fool’s issue. Sports will resume publishing normal content next week.