So what is up with those little Dove chocolates? I’m not
just talking about any sweets; I mean the tiny, individually foil-wrapped ones
with those cutesy “PROMISES Messages” on the inside.
“It’s definitely a bubble bath day,” the little blue foil
announced as I opened it hurriedly on my way to class. Actually, no. It’s
definitely a one-midterm-and-three-papers-due-this-week day, it’s definitely a
no-sleep-caffeine-headache day and it’s definitely a
haven’t-had-enough-time-to-shower day.
It is not, however, a bubble bath day. In fact, when was the
last time it was a bubble bath day? Who is
Mars Inc. even talking to? Independently wealthy stay-at-home moms who
crave chocolate and take bubble baths?
I’m a 20-year-old full-time college student with two jobs.
I’m busy, hungry and I didn’t pay a
quarter to get some fluffy life advice from a candy company. I need a sugar
rush, not a miniature reminder that this is the quarter’s most stressful week.
But it seems like everything we consume has become a wannabe
fortune cookie, not just chocolate. Bottle caps, coffee cups and restaurant
receipts are all great places to find these kitschy nuggets of wisdom. You
certainly didn’t know how to plan your day, so let this little disposable life
coach help — Mars Inc. to the rescue!
The problem is, when I open a fortune cookie I’m ready for
the novelty of whatever vague, Yoda-like message it holds. But this is just out
of control. I don’t need someone to remind me that I don’t have enough time to
sleep; I just want a snack.
And while I’m on the subject, what about those shopping bags
and take-out cartons touting Bible passages at In-N-Out? Anyone who really has
the good book on hand to figure out exactly what John 6:13 says has probably
already gotten the message. And let’s get one thing straight: I came in here
for French fries, not a religious experience. (And is grease-soaked cardboard
really the best place for you to praise the Lord, anyway?)
I guess the sharpest thorn of it all is that these tiny
notes are coming from profit-driven commercial giants, not some grandmotherly
adviser trying to help you out. Who is some advertising executive to tell me
how I should spend my free time?
If anything these blurbs are totally contradictory in
nature, since these companies certainly aren’t telling their factory workers to
take the day off and cuddle up by the fire with some cocoa.
Come on corporate
stick to what you’re good at.
