Editor’s note: The following is a satirical article for The DisreGuardian, a series of articles published annually for The Guardian’s April Fool’s issue. Features will resume publishing normal content next week.
These days, college degrees mean little compared to the coveted title of “stuns in new photo” carefully distributed by Pop Crave. As consumers of Pop Crave’s instant pop-culture news, fans may lose sight of the fact that finding this information comes with a price. Though the normal X, formerly known as Twitter, browser may find no buckles in Pop Crave’s posts, a true stan Twitter personality would notice that the account has retweeted its own post three times within the last day — suspicious for an account that constantly disseminates new media and only retweets its own posts once every other day. Dedicated followers began to dig further into the odd pattern, revealing that the account manager, Will Cosme, had a warrant out for his arrest issued by President Donald Trump, slowing the account’s production.
The Pop Crave account, which is orchestrated by Cosme and a small group of volunteers, has been known to dabble in political media, playing a large role in updating pop-culture vultures with news about Luigi Mangione and even Trump’s executive orders. It has since reeled back, returning to its humble roots of sharing basic celebrity photos from various social media accounts. Still, that was not enough to save Cosme.
Fans speculate that the Feb. 24 post captioned “Monitors at the Department of Housing & Urban Development reportedly hacked to show AI video of Donald Trump sucking Elon Musk’s toes,” which was posted alongside a graphic video, may have tipped Trump over the edge. The White House worked quickly to take down the video but not quickly enough for Pop Crave to work its magic. The video now has over 10 million views.
Trump’s rampages in office have incited outrage from communities across the globe, but is Trump ready for the backlash he will receive if he takes Pop Crave down? He is certainly unaware of the militant power that stan Twitter users possess, and although he holds the highest American title, he will certainly never “stun in a new photo.”
