Editor’s Note: The following is a satirical article for The DisreGuardian, a series of articles published annually for The Guardian’s April Fool’s issue. Arts & Entertainment will resume publishing normal content next week.

16 writers for the newspaper sat around a large table, each with their own unique perspective on the world. There was the aloof editor, who sat at the head of the table, and the three snobby music critics who sat on one side, their noses in the air. On the other side were the three Marvel fans, the three romantic comedy fans, the three Taylor Swift fans, and the three pretentious movie buffs.

The editor cleared his throat and addressed the group. “As you all know, we need to come up with a satirical piece for our April Fools’ edition. I want everyone to bring their best ideas to the table.”

The music critics scoffed. “We don’t do satire. We only write about real music.”

The Marvel fans were quick to respond. “What’s more real than superheroes saving the world?”

The romantic comedy fans chimed in. “Love — that’s what’s more real.”

The Taylor Swift fans laughed. “Love, heartbreak, and catchy choruses.”

The pretentious movie buffs rolled their eyes. “Art, symbolism, and cinematography.”

The editor held up a hand to quiet the group. “Enough, enough. Let’s focus on the task at hand. We need to come up with something that will make our readers laugh.”

The group fell silent as they all brainstormed ideas. The editor jotted down notes on a pad of paper, while the Marvel fans argued about which Avenger was the best, and the Taylor Swift fans sang snippets of her latest songs.

Finally, the editor spoke up. “I have an idea. What if we write an article about a new trend in the fashion world where people are wearing clothes made entirely out of food?”

The music critics wrinkled their noses. “That’s disgusting.”

The romantic comedy fans giggled. “Imagine a couple going on a date and one of them accidentally spills spaghetti all over their shirt.”

The Taylor Swift fans nodded. “It could be the next big thing. ‘You Need to Calm Oregano’ could be the fashion statement of the year.”

The pretentious movie buffs scoffed. “It’s been done before. Fellini did it in 8 ½. “

The Marvel fans looked confused. “What does that have to do with superheroes?”

The editor sighed. “Okay, maybe that’s not the best idea. Anyone else?”

The group fell silent again until one of the Marvel fans spoke up. “What if we did a fake news story about Spider-Man being hired as the new CEO of a major corporation?”

The Taylor Swift fans laughed. “And he sings ‘Welcome to New York’ during his first board meeting.”

The pretentious movie buffs groaned. “That’s hardly satire. It’s just silly.”

The editor scribbled down the idea anyway. “Let’s keep it as a backup. We still have time to come up with something better.”

The group continued to brainstorm, throwing out ideas left and right. The music critics suggested writing about a new trend in music where artists incorporate animal noises into their songs. The romantic comedy fans joked about a world where every day is Valentine’s Day. The Taylor Swift fans sang snippets of her songs about heartbreak and love. And the pretentious movie buffs debated the merits of French New Wave cinema.

In the end, several of the writers proposed an idea that combined all their interests: a fake news story about a new romantic comedy movie featuring Taylor Swift as a superhero who saves the world while falling in love with a French New Wave filmmaker. The music critics wrote a scathing review of the film’s soundtrack, which was made entirely of animal noises. The Marvel fans wrote fanfiction about Spider-Man making a cameo in the movie. 

The aloof editor stood in silence; after a couple of seconds, he opened his mouth and uttered, “How about we…”

The entire room threw their hands in the air and let out a groan. 

In the end, nothing was written for the Disreguardian and A&E resorted to ChatGPT, proving that the end of journalism is near.

Image courtesy of Know Your Meme