Do you have a burning desire to know the secrets of the universe? Have an insurmountable problem that desperately needs solving? Are you often confused and scared by day-to-day life? Well, then I suggest you leave. This advice column answers only the most remedial and ridiculous questions solely for the purpose of entertainment. So, unless you suffer from a lack of gossip or bad advice, I suggest you go somewhere else. This is Ask Bradley:
*DISCLAIMER: Some questions that were submitted may have been altered to better fit this article*
- Jackson Ludtke, a freshman Environmental Policy major in Thurgood Marshall College asks, “My roommate frowns at the fact that I bring raccoons back to the dorm to cuddle with. What should I do?”
Ah yes, the famous UCSD Trash Pandas. Unless you are a completely remote student or have been living under the Warren Bear Rock, you’ve probably seen these fascinating creatures throughout campus. In my fantastic, legendary, profund, and humble opinion, you, my good sir, are in no way incorrect in this situation. Who wouldn’t want a fluffy little buddy to lull you asleep? Who wouldn’t want a friendly companion to share ice cream, pizza, or garbage with? Who wouldn’t want such a cutie patootie sitting next to you in the library while you write your 10-page essay? A crazy person, that’s who. So, I encourage you to get to the root of this issue: why is your roommate such a buzzkill? I would simply explain my situation and all the joy that comes with making friends with our trash pandas. If they trash your room, explain how that’s their way of showing love. If they maul his face, tell him the wounds heal, but friendship is forever. So, keep befriending those racoons, you won’t regret it!
This is also a great place to plug the Instagram page @ucsd.raccoons which has amazing photos and videos of our animal pals all over campus.
- Lisa Newcar, a junior Theatre major asks, “How do I get the UCSD Wi-Fi to work?”
As many of us know, the Wi-Fi here at UCSD has been a major disaster. No one is able to securely connect to the Wi-Fi for any prolonged period of time. And if you’re like me and have T-Mobile, you know that the cellular connection is even spottier. These prevailing issues lead me to conclude that we must abandon all hope of ever utilizing the Wi-Fi successfully and turn to other forms of communication. I had to go out and get some pens and paper to take notes in class! And, I will be buying a pigeon soon to train it to transport my messages to my friends. I also plan on utilizing smoke signals to email my professors that I am too sick to attend class when necessary. And of course, all my discussion posts are now in the form of ancient cave paintings. I suggest you all follow my lead and learn to live without Wi-Fi.
- An anonymous sophomore Poli-Sci major in Eleanor Roosevelt College asks, “My roommate might actually be a serial killer — thoughts on what I should do?”
Over the summer, I got really into true-crime podcasts. Basically, I am now an expert on identifying serial killers. Here’s a helpful list to determine if they are, in fact, a serial killer:
- They drink whole milk
- They still use “boss” as slang
- Anyone named Gary
- A bed full of stuffed animals … like FULL of stuffed animals
- Too concerned with the pineapple on pizza debate
- Only takes selfies with Snapchat filters
- Watched the “Emoji Movie” and enjoyed it
- Only has one pillow on their bed
- Actively admits to being a serial killer
I hope this very specific and well-thought-out list either helps you put your mind at ease or pushes you to call the police.
- An anonymous freshman asks, “I miss my mommy. What should I do?”
Homesickness is no joke. Every time I went home last year and had to come back to my empty dorm room, I felt so alone and missed my parents so much. And maybe this isn’t very relatable to many of you, but even for some, it is a genuine reaction to such a major change in our lives.
My biggest piece of advice is to do your best to make a home here in San Diego. If not with your suitemates, then with your classmates. If not with your classmates, then with your coworker. If not with your coworkers, then with your fellow club members. And if not with your club members, then with some new friends you just met in passing. Finding a sense of community is, in my opinion, vital to surviving college and living away from your family. It will help you feel less lonely and less homesick when San Diego feels like a second home. Homesickness can be something major or something so insignificant you can barely feel it. Regardless of how you feel about your hometown, no one wants to be alone for too long, so go, put yourself out there. Find your home.
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Photo by Bradley Beggs, Lifestyle Co-Editor