“Hercules” sets the bar low for mythic adaptations

“The Legend of Hercules” should have been just that — legendary — but instead of a heroic tale, the disengaging story faltered with predictable, cliché plot and characters. Even extravagant action scenes are tangential to the plot and fail to make this movie remotely worth a trip to the theater.

Within the first few scenes of the movie, it becomes clear exactly where the story is headed. The plot relies on overused tropes — a competitive and jealous brother, a damsel in distress, a villain that must be defeated — and fails to develop them as anything more than simple plot devices.

The movie is set in ancient Greece, where Queen Alcmene (Roxanne McKee) hopes for peace for her kingdom while her estranged husband, King Amphitryon (Scott Adkins), is bloodthirsty for battle. Praying for safety to the goddess of Hera, patron of women and marriage, Queen Alcmene is granted a way to bring harmony to Greece: She must become impregnated by Zeus and give birth to a son — Hercules (Kellan Lutz). The film executes this plot through a beyond-awkward scene in which the queen has a spiritually-induced orgasm, complete with sheets flying around her. Once he finds out, Amphitryon gives the cold shoulder to his wife and Hercules, instead favoring his legitimate son, Iphicles.

As in most movies, years pass, and Amphitryon — fulfilling the role of the evil, villainous stepfather — works with Iphicles to eradicate Hercules as hero of the kingdom. They send him into battle, expecting him to meet his death, but, of course, he is spared — and he comes back with a vengeance.

The dialogue between Hercules and his love interest Princess Hebe (Gaia Weiss) sounds like it came straight out of a cheesy, romantic comedy. The screenwriters’ (Sean Wood, Daniel Giat, Renny Harlin and Giulio Steve) lackluster resumes show through in the forced, canned speech.

While Lutz excels in abdominal muscles and smoldering, his acting consists mostly of grunting and mumbling. Hercules seems to care only about reuniting with Hebe, and he spends three-fourths of the movie acting like a lovesick puppy. Only in the end does he finally accept his place as the son of Zeus and his fate as the leader of Greece.
If sappy dialogue and the shallow plot aren’t enough to disappoint viewers, overdone and inconsequential special effects scenes should do the trick. Director Renny Harlin is no stranger to fast-paced, violent films, like “Die Hard 2” and “A Long Kiss Goodnight,” and in “Hercules,” the seemingly endless battles and one-on-one fight scenes are punctuated by short, slow-motion scenes that dramatize the action. The most action-filled scene in the movie, in which Hercules quickly takes out a handful of warriors, is engaging and flashy — but it has no significance to the plot. The filmmakers forego plot for scene after scene of violent, hyperbolic violence, and it shows.

Viewers who expect to see an epic story of a heroic Hercules will instead find an alleged “hero” pining for his love interest like a teen complemented with seemingly pointless action scenes, making the film a cringe-worthy disappointment. Ultimately, “Hercules” is a boring, flamboyant rom-com that will, by the end, have viewers more than ready to leave.