The Five Kinds of Valentine’s Day Dates

Photo By Brian Monroe /Guardian
Photo By Brian Monroe /Guardian
Photo By Brian Monroe /Guardian
Photo By Brian Monroe /Guardian

I’m going to be honest with you guys — I am undeniably single. And yet I’m writing about the most romantic holiday known to Hallmark, and you’re probably questioning my credibility. Let me tell you a little something. This singleness? It only drives my fuel for romance and for wanting happiness in my life — so much so that I want happiness in your life. If I can’t be happy, it doesn’t mean anyone else can’t. I’ve channeled all this excess love into this article so that maybe on the Feb. 14, you won’t be so down and out. Here we are on a voyage of love.

The Freshman Date

The Most Romantic Place on Campus: You guessed it, the Bistro
Places You Can Reach on Foot (for him/her): Sprinkles
Places You Can Reach on Foot (as a couple): The Cliffs/Glider Port

You’re a freshman, she’s a freshman, and somebody wants to get laid tonight. You want to impress her but you’re also cheap because you bought all of your textbooks brand new, and you figure dining dollars isn’t really money. You go ahead and book yourself a table for two at the Bistro for the 14th. What? It’s booked? I guess it’s just another casual dinner at the next best dining hall on campus — Pines. And before all of this, you’re going to walk your ass on over to Sprinkles and pick her up an aphrodisiac cupcake (chocolate) as you sit on the Cliffs or Gliders Port and scarf it down for a chilly night of hand holding and smooching. The

Best Friend Date

Social Activity: UltraZone Live Action Laser Tag, 3146 Sports Arena Blvd., Suite 21, San Diego, CA 92110
Dinner: Stacked, 7007 Friars Road, San Diego, CA 92108

The more the merrier. Get all of your friends who share your lack of a Valentine, and enjoy each other’s company. Bash the “holiday,” and mock couples who are supposedly “in love” for your own enjoyment. Head out to a few rounds of laser tag, or even the San Diego Zoo, and then finish off your adventures with a stomach filled with your very own customized burger at Stacked. People tend to joke about those long walks on the beach at night. But have they ever done it? Probably not. So you will — with all your friends. Pack up some warm blankets, firewood, s’mores and your closest companions for a memorable night at La Jolla Shores in the middle of February. Nothing ignites love like the obligatory cuddle in the cold weather.

Alternatively, for all you single ladies: Galentine’s Day. Nothing says strong, independent women like you and your closest girlfriends drinking some wine and eating chocolate while you tell your funniest stories. Even better? Male Stripclub. Having a bromantic Evening? Try s’mores at the shores.

The Table for One Date

Self Appreciation

Let’s face it: A lot of us didn’t expect to be alive in 2013, so you broke it off with your significant other before Doomsday. You’re single, and you don’t have a Valentine this year while all your friends do. There is a chance you might be alone, but don’t fret. Keep in mind many less popular date hot spots will be to your disposal, and you will have the true freedom of a single person. Go out on a hike, read a good book, and sip on a cup of coffee. The day is yours. The Classic Date Venue: Balboa Park, 1549 El Prado, San Diego, CA 92101 The Aphrodisiac: Kous Kous, 3940 4th Ave., San Diego, CA 92103 The “Aw” Factor: Skip the roses. Go for creativity.

If you’re fortunate to have a car, you have all of San Diego at your disposal, and you don’t want to be that guy who says the Bistro is your idea of romantic. A cute date would be soaking in some culture and leaving your mark all over the art in the museums at Balboa Park and then heading over to Hillcrest for an intimate dinner at the Moroccan Kous Kous. Roses and jewelry may imply you didn’t have any ideas for a sentimental gift, so instead put some thought behind it. Spring for something like an inside joke between the two of you — the creativity and cute laughs will be something that’ll you’ll cherish much more.

The More Accessible Idea: Eat at Brockton Villa Restaurant (1235 Coast Blvd., La Jolla, CA 92037), and head over to La Jolla Cove or Mt. Soledad for a romantic sunset.

The Long Distance Date

How to Get to There: Two Words: iPhone Parachute
The “You’re the Best Factor”: Gather single friends, and use them as your Cupids
The Alternative: Hold it off.

The chances that you’ll be able to fly/train/drive over to your significant other isn’t always the most plausible option (because Valentine’s Day decided to test your love by putting itself in the middle of the quarter and in the middle of the week), but technology now a days proves effective nonetheless. What’re you going to do? Get your friend who knows your girlfriend to parachute down an iPhone (that is secure in the most advanced cushioning; think “Egg Drop” from your Physics class) while you’re on it, FaceTiming, for you to surprise her. Does it get better? You bet your ass it does. If your significant other is in an area where you have a fair amount of friends, have them bring the date to her — candlelit dinner and roses will be fine here. Don’t know his/her friends? Order some local take out and send it over, and Skype over the meal.

If this planning is a little too much for short notice, there is nothing like postponing the date until a more convenient time.


– Ask him/her to be your Valentine. Like, don’t goof it up.

– Do something involving an inside joke. Be personal, and show your lover you put time and effort into the day.

– His/Her gifts? Only if they’re matching onesies.

– Snuggle with her. Hard.


– Break up with him/her. Unless you have a sick sense of humor and get back with him/her the same day. This is similar to breaking up with someone on their birthday.

– Take him/her to McDonald’s. Although, this could be the premise to a more fabulous date. Or you really are that cheap, and I hope your significant other considers cutting some ties.

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