They warn us not to cut and run from it. They say we have to stay the course – that things will get better. They ask for a little more time and a lot more money. But why should we give them another chance? They’ve had years to work out the problems, and still the operation is a fiasco. We were promised success, but we’ve seen mostly failure. We need to face reality: The only sensible option is to pull out.

Iraq? No, I’m talking about the Grove Caffe.

The Grove exploded on the scene in a burst of garlicky pesto and chocolaty syrup 21 years ago. The Associated Students sired the cafe on that glorious day with a simple dream: a largely student-run business that would provide young entrepreneurs with some real business experience and not go bankrupt.

Well, none out of two ain’t bad. No, wait, it is.

The new A.S. Council faces a critical decision. It can either spend $48,000 of its – your – money to enable the Grove to keep failing, or it can pull the plug to make room for a successor with a chance at success.

It’s not exactly Sophie’s Choice.

Reason the Grove Must Die No. 1: Natural Selection

Darwin’s laws apply as much to the business kingdom as they do to the animal kingdom. By definition, businesses exist for the purpose of making profit. The weak, unprofitable ones die quickly, while those that are profitable thrive and multiply. In the highly competitive restaurant market, nine out of 10 new restaurants fail in their first year.

By Darwin’s laws, the Grove should have died long ago. It continues to chug along after 21 years of historically making little to negative profit. Today, the laws of nature have finally caught up, burying it under 23 grand of debt. In the animal kingdom, that’s the equivalent of a legless gazelle basting itself in beef broth as it pokes a hungry lion with a stick. The end comes quickly for that unfortunate animal, as it should for the Grove.

It’s not that A.S. enterprises can’t turn a profit. Lecture Notes makes money for A.S. rather than leeching money from A.S.

So why can’t the Grove achieve financial success? A likely cause is “”sardine-ism,”” a term I just invented. I can think of at least 12 places on campus where you can buy a cup of coffee, and I don’t even drink coffee. There are at least eight places on campus where you can buy a decent sandwich. Perhaps the Grove failed because it tried to cram one more latte and one more panini into an overcrowded marketplace. UCSD doesn’t need it, and UCSD doesn’t want it – that’s why UCSD doesn’t eat there.

Reason the Grove Must Die No. 2:It Has No Business Teaching Business

Grove huggers protest that the cafe is about more than making money (God, I hope so); it’s about giving student entrepreneurs real-world business experience.

That’s an excellent goal, but the value of the experience granted is directly tied to the success of the business. You wouldn’t take anger management lessons from Alec Baldwin, so why should you take business lessons from a failing business? The Grove barely treads water, so students will learn how to make a restaurant barely tread water.

In fact, if the A.S. Council truly cares about business education, it cannot bail out the Grove. What kind of lesson on real-world business would that be? “”If your business isn’t making money, the government will save you.”” Oh yeah, that happens all the time. To honestly educate students about the natural selection of business, the Associated Students must let go of the crippled Grove.

It’s fortunate, then, that the Grove doesn’t pass its business lessons to many students. The vast majority of Grove employees do the same work that students do in the dining halls: the grunt work. In both restaurant types, most students prepare food, make coffee, operate the cash register and clean up. Moreover, the dining halls hire many more student supervisors than the Grove does.

As a business classroom, the Grove fails.

Reason the Grove Must Die No. 3: It’s the Opportunity of a Lifetime!

I can picture the flyers already…

“”What: The First-Ever UCSD Enterprise Contest! You prepare a business plan for an enterprise you think would thrive at UCSD.

Who: Any UCSD student with an entrepreneurial spirit!

Why: If you win, we’ll fly you and a guest roundtrip coach from San Diego to fabulous Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

That was a lie! The truth is, if we pick your idea, we’ll provide you with startup cash and the Grove’s former space to make your business dream a reality!

So enter today, and let us put our money where your mouth is!””

The contest would be a dream for all parties involved. Student entrepreneurs would get to design and then establish their very own business. If chosen wisely, the new enterprise would thrive, providing the goods or services students want while making money for the Associated Students and for the entrepreneur. The A.S. Council could then invest its profit share in financing new enterprises, closing budget gaps or funding additional concerts and events.

By setting minimum requirements for student manager positions, the council could also ensure that the new enterprise provides valuable business experience for students.

I know it’s never easy to pull the plug on a campus mainstay like the Grove, but now it’s more of a liability than an asset. A new enterprise could succeed in every way that the Grove has not.

They can claim we’re winning. They can claim the customer lull is in its last throes. But they can’t cover up the failure.

It’s time to withdraw.