Best (Homophobic) One-liners: 40-year-old virgin

You know how I know you’re gay? Let me count the ways. On second thought, let’s let David (Paul Rudd) and Cal (Seth Rogen) from “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” count the ways, because it will be fucking hilarious.

According to the comic geniuses in the video-game controller chairs, one is gay when one macrames oneself a pair of jean shorts, when one likes Coldplay or “Maid in Manhattan,” and when one makes spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread. Cal knows David is gay because only gay people know who other gay people are, and David knows Cal is gay because he has a rainbow bumper sticker on his car that says “I Love it When Balls Are In My Face.” They even join forces near the end of the gloriously gay marathon to tell Andy (Steve Carell) that they know he’s gay because he likes Asia —“I mean seriously, Asia? You framed an Asia poster? How hard did the people at the frame store laugh when you brought this in?”

Just when everyone thought “Wedding Crashers” was going to be the funniest movie of 2005, along came Steve Carell and his gang of homophobes to show Owen and Vince how it’s really done. It’s hard to choose just one part of “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” to credit — from horny manager Paula’s re-enactment of her deflowering via Guatemalan gardener to Andy’s faceful of regurgitated shellfish in an attempt to finally score, hilarity reaches new heights in virginland. But the movie’s truly award-worthy philosophies are delivered over a feisty, torso-gouging game of “Mortal Kombat,” never to be forgotten in the world of (homophobic) one-liners.