Voila. Here it is — a Valentine’s Day edition of the Sex Guardian, as would be expected on a day such as this. What is the topic? The elusive and fabled ancient Indian practice of Tantric sex — which by the way, does not comprise ancient secrets to suddenly improve your intercourse so that you and your partner may have the quickest, most amazing orgasms of your lives. The Tantra is not about orgasm at all. What, sex without an orgasm? Exactly.
Western society has two conceptions about sex that the Tantra is decidedly against. First, that the great “O” is the ultimate and most important goal. Second, that it is absolutely necessary to make a distinction between the sacred and the profane in love — in other words, no sex in church.
Tantra is a source of spiritual enlightenment, with sex being the pleasure vehicle. Essentially, one would reach enlightenment and understanding in the spaces between the ultimate expression of loving creation in our bodies and the mind-freeing feeling of pleasure. It is not a religious practice, though; it is spiritual. Orgasm is sort of taken for granted as a byproduct of the rituals and meditation that accompany coital activities. It is said that the man may experience multiple orgasms, but that is because he is holding his ejaculate, meditating through it and having full-body orgasms that are the result of the alignment of the chakras (intangible focal centers in the body).
Tantra is a discipline, sometimes called the “Yoga of Sex.” Essentially, practitioners believe that sexual energy is extremely powerful, and Tantra is what harnesses this energy and makes it useful to the practicing Buddhist. This energy is very focused on the woman. While the man holds his ejaculate, he is especially attuned to the pleasure of the woman, who is encouraged to experience many orgasms in a single session.
So, how does this information help you, the reader? Well, non-Buddhists probably won’t convert simply to find the great light in sex. But you can infuse bits and pieces of the lessons and rituals shown in Tantric sex into your everyday, loving sex to improve the connection between you and your lover.
Consider the meditative aspect of Tantra, which is extremely focused on breathing techniques. The tendency during sex is to hold one’s breath, creating tensions to be released during orgasm. Let’s try something different: controlled, deep breaths that induce a trance, synchronized with your partner so that you feel a connection to one another. Light some candles, burn incense and massage each others’ bodies with sweetly scented oils to get in the mood, and do it for at least 20 minutes. Once you’re both warm and fuzzy, try sitting cross-legged, back to back. Without any cues, breathe normally, with each of you becoming more and more aware of your own and the other’s breathing, and the depth and frequency of it. Begin to synchronize it. Keep your eyes open, though; falling asleep is not the goal here. After you’re sure you’re in sync, begin to feel for each other’s fingertips, touching lightly, slowly. Explore the arms and hands, but keep the breath synchronized. Turn toward each other and touch more and more of each other’s bodies. Once facing, find eye contact and keep it. Keep kissing controlled and soft, but deep, pausing for breath together when you need it. Try literally breathing in and out of one another, keeping eye contact. The point of this is to feel and sustain a connection with your partner during sex.
The position you may use to keep ultimate contact with one another is the man sitting with his legs in a butterfly position (cross-legged will do if this is impossible), while the woman sits on top, wrapping her legs around the man into the same position, and keeping the hands running continually all over the body. Will you achieve orgasm in this position? Maybe, maybe not. It’s not the point. Valentine’s Day is a day of love, and what better way to express it than to completely envelop your lover in your embrace, breath deeply with him/her and touch each other in every way possible? Assuming you either come in this position, or you switch to another such as missionary, when you come, try to keep eye contact. Closing your eyes is like shutting out your lover. You might as well be masturbating.
Have a glorious Valentine’s Day, and if you would like to learn more about Tantra, check out http://www.tantra.com, http://www.libida.com or http://www.erotica-readers.com for literature. As a quick ending note, read these books with your lover, communicate what you each like and don’t like and tell each other what you want. There are also videos available on Tantric sex, and even if you end up with some silly porn with Indian-sounding music playing in the background, at least the good laugh you get will relax you and put you in the mood. Deep belly laughter with your lover is a great way to create a connection with one another. Try that before sex. Trust me, it will help.
