Ah, the materialistic shopping season is all around us. What better way to celebrate the joyfulness of Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa than heading out to the malls?
But as you’re wandering through the stores, keep one thing in mind: you, good friend, are not God’s gift to mankind. The old saying is that the customer is always right. This, however, does not give you, the customer, the right to act rude, stupid, or above the employees.
Now, I’ve only worked three retail jobs in my whole life, but from those experiences, and talking to friends that have worked in retail, I’ve concluded that people are stupid.
I’ve had my ditz moments where I walk into a store and ask where something is only to have it be right in front of my eyes. That’s not the kind of stupid I’m talking about. I’m talking about the kind of stupid where people don’t even try to use their brains.
I’ve worked in two bookstores, and in each one I’ve found some of the stupidest people wandering around the aisles, asking the stupidest questions. Here’s a sample conversation that actually took place:
Customer: “”Is there any way you can print out a list of all the books in the store?””
Me: “”What?””
Customer: “”I’m looking for a book, I can’t remember the title of it. All I remember is that it begins with the letter “”I.”” So I was hoping you could print out a list so I could find it.””
Me: “”Um, unfortunately, we can’t do that. You can look through the section to see if you can find it.””
Customer: (gesturing to the shelves) “”I have to look through all these books?””
Why, yes. You do have to look through all those books in order to find what you want. If you knew exactly what you wanted and needed someone to help you, that wouldn’t be so bad. But when the only information you know is what letter the title starts with or that the book cover is blue, you’re not helping us figure out what the book is. You’re helping us figure out that you’re a moron.
So, to avoid getting subpar customer service and pissing off your clerk, I present the Six Simple Shopping Rules:
1) Just because you’re in a bad mood doesn’t give you the right to take it out on employees of the store you shop at. I can’t begin to tell you how many people throw a fit over the smallest detail. Customers have freaked out because they misread signs. If you’re in a bad mood, avoid shopping.
2) Know. What. You. Want. Product numbers or ISBNs are your friend. If you don’t have that, at least be able to give some kind of descriptive detail about the book/shirt/item. Unless it’s in a wild color, saying “”I’m looking for _____. It’s blue,”” won’t get you anywhere.
3) Try not to make a mess. I know, I know: It’s bad enough that you have to clean your room, but please don’t walk out of a store having left a stack of books on the floor. It’s rude, annoying and downright obnoxious. We’re not your mom. At least try and be a decent person.
4) Coffee rules: There is no such thing as a mocha latte. There’s a mocha. And then there’s a latte. They are not the same thing. Along those lines, Chai is tea by definition, so by saying “”I’d like a Chai tea,”” you’re being completely redundant.
5) For the love of God, know what store you’re entering. I’ve worked at independent bookstores, and had customers walk in asking if we were a Barnes and Noble. I’ve worked at non-Starbucks coffee shops and had customers hand me their Starbucks coffee cards. It doesn’t take more than about five seconds to look at the sign and know what store you’re in.
6) If the door says “”Pull,”” you pull. If it says “”Push,”” you push. It’s really not that complicated. I don’t care if you feel like pushing. You pull if the sign says “”Pull.””
Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s not like the employees themselves are always angels. But I guarantee that your shopping experience would be 10 times better if you, as a customer, realize that we’re not having any fun standing on our feet dealing with massive amounts of other bitchy customers. Being nice won’t kill you, and neither will acting like an adult rather than an insufferable child.