“”There will be energy, disagreement and protest … and that creates education.””
Guardian
— Shaun Travers, director of LGBTA
“”Faces in the Crowd,”” Jan. 28, 2002
Guardian
“”Everybody brings their best game when they play UCSD.””
— Men’s water polo head coach Denny Harper
“”Water polo barely beats Cal Baptist,”” Sept. 24, 2001
“”When you voted the Unity slate into office, did you know it was full of America-hating, self-serving, two-faced hypocrites?””
— Ryan Darby
“”Leaning to the left wing,”” Jan. 28, 2002
“”People are mad because we stopped picking on fat chicks at Revelle, retards, and Jesus having butt sex with chickens [while] high on crack cocaine.””
— George Liddle, Editor-in-chief, The Koala
“”Revelle council opposes censorship,”” Oct. 29, 2001
“”I could really count on one hand the number of times I’ve smoked pot. I really don’t like the taste of alcohol, either. I’d much rather drink Yoo-Hoo or chocolate milk.””
— Director Kevin Smith
“”Kevin Smith chases after new film projects,”” Feb. 28, 2002
“”A good beer is a terrible thing to waste.””
— Ryan Darby
“”What every freshman should know,”” Sept. 18, 2001
“”Because sometimes, when I zip them up, the zipper gets caught in my vagina, and it really hurts.””
— Carrie Elizabeth Sklar
“”Basically,”” Oct. 1, 2001
“”All in all, ‘Corky Romano’ is probably only worth the time it’ll take to download it off the Internet.””
— Mara Evans
“”Corky Romano has few redeeming laughs,”” Oct. 11, 2001
“”When it comes down to it, the Yanks will handle the D-backs in five, no sweat.””
— Josh Crouse
“”World series predictions,”” Oct. 25, 2001
“”Apparently, when she said ‘hello’ to him, Jason understood that to mean, ‘Take me now, you sex machine.'””
— Carrie Elizabeth Sklar
“”Basically,”” Oct. 25, 2001
“”I am a … a … co … I am a comm … OK, I’m a communications major. There, I said it.””
— Kecia R. Felton
“”All majors deserve respect,”” Nov. 1, 2001
“”We definitely don’t need anymore bloodsucking, capitalist businesses in the ‘Overprice’ Center sucking up students’ money.””
— Roosevelt junior Rob Barnes
“”Krispy Kreme arrives,”” Nov. 8, 2001
“”Krispy Kremes are an orgasm in a doughnut. That’s what I always say.””
— Warren senior Fady Mikhael
“”Krispy Kreme arrives,”” Nov. 8, 2001
“”I have to admit that becoming a better human being is a difficult task, especially if you’re a UCSD student.””
— Divya Runchal
“”Path to sainthood is replete with obstacles,”” Nov. 8, 2001
“”I think I can speak for fans across the nation when I say to the owners and Bud Selig: Shut up and just let the players play.””
— Isaac Pearlman
“”Stoner steps,”” Nov. 13, 2001
“”We are going all the way.””
— UCSD women’s soccer player Julia Cuder
“”Soccer bags MVP, coach of the year,”” Nov. 15, 2001
“”Legalize pot.””
— Mathew Lepori
“”Legality of substances is disparate,”” Nov. 26, 2001
“”Like our coach says, we are the champions, so we are the team to beat. As long as we play our game, no team in Division II can beat us.””
— UCSD women’s soccer player Christine Wensel
“”UCSD to host division II Final Four,”” Nov. 29, 2001
“”When you have diversity being attacked; when you have diversity being laughed at; when you have people taking advantage of the First Amendment; it goes to show how this university is.””
— Ernesto Martinez, Student Affirmative Action Committee chairman
“”SAAC chair alleges ‘Koala’ harrassment,”” Nov. 29, 2001
“”I don’t think that I had ever brandished a holey pair of socks in front of her. I don’t think that we had ever exchanged misty, if-I- only-had-another-pair stories prior to this random show of, er, affection. In fact, to my recollection, I had never expressed an affinity for foot-warming apparel at any time.””
— Kecia R. Felton
“”A lesson in what not to get for the holidays,”” Nov. 29, 2001
“”There’s nothing better than a family crazier than your own during the holiday season.””
— Mara Evans
“”Holiday movie preview,”” Nov. 29, 2001
“”The best thing to happen to Channukah since the advent of gelt is here, and it’s really rastafied.””
— Claire J. Vannette
“”Holiday albums: ‘Reggae Chanukah,'”” Nov. 29, 2001
“”We swim twice a day, three hours each time, for 12 days after finals end. We have nine days off this year, and we get back and swim from the 30th until school starts. It’s mostly mental — you get over the physical part eventually. You want to go home and want to do other stuff, but you do it for the team.””
— UCSD men’s swimmer Luke Sneed
“”Swimming strong in Speedo Cup,”” Jan. 7, 2002.
“”The Koala is not the problem — everyone who claims to be offended by its content out of one side of their face but laughs about it out of the other side are the real problems at this school.””
— Kecia R. Felton
“”Shameful hypocrisy alive and well on campus,”” Jan 10, 2002
“”I didn’t think the American flag should have been included. The same flag has flown over plantations and internment camps.””
— A.S. Vice President External Dylan DeKervor
“”A.S. Council passes controversial resolution,”” Jan. 10, 2002
“”I am mad about money. I love money with a burning passion, a blazing fervor and a perpetual craze.””
— Annie Pan
“”Money motivates all people and actions,”” Jan. 14, 2002
“”What the hell is so scary about being in the bathroom alone? I have seen the student body at this school, and let’s face it, it’s not like our asses are so small we’re afraid of falling in.””
— Carrie Elizabeth Sklar
“”Surprise, surprise: Women are freaks,”” Jan. 17, 2002
“”You only get better playing the best.””
— UCSD women’s water polo player Emma Kruditzki
“”Water polo eyes championship,”” Jan. 24, 2002
“”As a Revelle sophomore, my experiences have already driven me to my knees with one fist aimed at the sky, crying bitterly, ‘God, oh God! What is wrong with me? Why am I forever doomed toward failure in my chem classes?!'””
–Gracie Hwa
“”Teachers should leave the stressed out students alone,”” Jan. 24, 2002
“”Actually, the other day someone told me that I seemed well adjusted considering how much my family moved around, once again confirming the fallacy of first impressions.””
— Jessica Lingel
“”Look deeper to find a person’s worth,”” Jan. 24, 2002
“”Start kissing. Take your favorite public spot on campus and start kissing your girlfriend or boyfriend. Touch each other, walk around campus embracing so tightly that there will be no light between your bodies. Start necking in the Price Center and on Library Walk.””
— Simone Santini
“”Don’t quash gooey affection sessions,”” Jan. 28, 2002
“”We don’t like the Toreros very much. We want to beat them. To beat a Division I team in San Diego would be awesome. We’d like to kick their butts.””
— UCSD women’s swimming team captain Sandra Lopez
“”Swimming beats Santa Cruz in dual meet,”” Jan. 28, 2002
“”There is plenty to look at if you enjoy watching young gay men walking with their butts in the air and looking at their bulging pects, which are hilariously bigger than a lot of lesbians’ breasts.””
— Valerie Burns
“”Superficial values abound in much of the male gay community,”” Jan. 31, 2001
“”You have to have a great idea, you have to have passion and commitment, you have to have capital. Have some experience, surround yourself with smart people [and] build your business with integrity.””
— Ralph Rubio, founder of Rubio’s Baja Grill
“”Success came in San Diego, now Ralph Rubio gives back,”” Feb. 4, 2002
“”I shaved my legs last night, and it was hell!””
— Revelle sophomore Sean LaPerruque
“”Kings, queens and divas,”” Feb. 4, 2002
“”Of course, some students may wish for supermodel Giselle’s voluptuous curves to be posted all over campus instead, but Dynes (as our all-powerful, if unseen presence on campus) is a pretty decent replacement. And it may be true that the Dynes Posse cannot do justice to the man’s excellent features (OK, so I have a little crush on him), but they do a pretty damn good job attempting it. “”
— Divya Runchal
“”Desperately seeking Dynes Posse,”” Feb. 7, 2002
“”Q: What is your favorite philosophy? A: There’s serveral … but I always believed in staying hungry.””
— Charlie Tran
“”A ‘hungry’ Arnold Schwarzenegger talks about his life in film,”” Feb. 7, 2001
“”The 1970s: 1. A decade of decadence — bad clothes, bad hair, bad music. 2. Sequel to the 1960s, continuing the political and sexual revolution. 3. A nation torn and divided, betrayed by a corrupt government and plagued by a faltering economy. What’s your take?””
— Hana Hsu
“”1970s: Trauma, Trivia and Transition,”” Feb. 7, 2002
“”I can’t speak for the rest of America, but I would much rather have my president getting a little fellatio on the side than giving billion-dollar corporations tax breaks or special consideration when no such allowances are made for me.””
— Kecia R. Felton
“”Enron: the epitome of corruption, politics and greed,”” Feb. 14, 2002
“”OK, I must admit that the penis appears to come with some advantages. For one, the lines that form in the men’s restroom go twice as fast as the women’s. Also, there is the user-friendly underwear specifically made for quick access. But this is hardly enough to make me run out and buy one from my doctor. “”
–Aurelia Aguilar
“”Exploring the depths of the female mind reveals appreciation, not jealousy,”” Feb. 21, 2002
“”Hollywood is horny. Hollywood is so horny it will do anything to produce a movie about sex, including a movie that concentrates on not having sex. The result is ridiculous.””
— Mara Evans
“”’40 Days’ brings the need for abstinence in film-watching,”” Feb. 28, 2002
“”‘I’ll just go pee in the ocean,’ she said. I started to give a lecture on the evolution of man, how eventually toilets and toilet paper were invented, and how we no longer need to pee in the ocean, based partially on a high school biology course I failed.””
— Betrand Fan
“”Stop that!”” March 4, 2002
“”We don’t have atheists in Indiana — everyone there worships basketball.””
— Preacher Jed Smock
“”Ten questions,”” March 4, 2002
“”[A.S. Commissioner of Student Advocacy Kyle] Biesbesheimer fought in his early days to get a ketchup pump put in the Price Center Food Court. He wrote letters to President George W. Bush requesting help with his fight. In response, the Office of the President sent him a glossy photograph of the president, which Biebesheimer proudly displays in his office.””
— Margaret O’Neill
“”Students in charge,”” March 4, 2002
“”I think we’re up for the challenge. Our defense is fucking awesome.””
— UCSD women’s water polo head coach Larry Sanders
“”Water polo splits at home, now 7-5,”” March 4, 2002
“”They just seem to have such rigid procedures, I feel like we are talking to a wall every time we address A.S.””
— Marshall senior Anwar Johnson
“”I don’t know anything about them. I don’t care to know either,”” March 11, 2001
“”It hasn’t been that busy.””
— Poll worker Ed Washburn
“”UCSD catched the apathy bug, few students turn out to vote,”” March 7, 2002
“”So basically, if you’re gonna faint, you might as well be naked. At least then people will really want to help you.””
— Carrie Elizabeth Sklar
“”Fainting spells for Southern belle,”” March 14, 2002
“”It was not a space-saving exercise, but a ‘learn-how-to-hang-a-poster’ sort of thing. There is a certain method to hanging a poster correctly and it takes about an hour, at least, to learn. We wanted to practice.””
— A.S. presidential candidate Colin Parent
“”Campaign season begins,”” March 14, 2002
“”Nonprocreative sex is a lifestyle choice, not a disease whose side effect can be pregnancy.””
— Catherine Navarro
“”Oops, I did it,”” April 1, 2002
“”I bet a lot of UCSD students would vote for a student government that ran the line, ‘We’ll do nothing except some concerts and return the rest of your money. If you do not feel any substantial loss by the next election, we will have made our point.’ It is my understanding, though, that the T.O.G.A.A. slate apparently is running under some variation of this proposal.””
— Ed Wu
“”Horse’s Mouth,”” April 1, 2002
“”What this campus needs is an asshole. We need someone who is willing to fight for the students … day in and day out. I am that asshole.””
— A.S. presidential candidate Phil Palisoul
“”Presidential candidates square off in debate,”” April 4, 2002
“”It is tragic that Europeans who have recently settled in the United States are considered ‘Americans’ by the general public, while Asians who have resided in the United States for countless generations are still being asked, ‘Where are you from?'””
— Annie Pan
“”Stereotypes abound in American culture,”” April 11, 2002
“”The Voz reveals its hypocrisy in implying that it should have the right to insult certain ethnicities as much as it wishes, but The Koala should not be able to print without fear of consequences.””
— Chris Taylor
“”The Koala is not UCSD’s only ‘racist’ publication,”” April 15, 2002
“”It’s a record.””
— A.S. representative to the elections committee Kyle Biebesheimer, referring to the 27.6 percent turnout for the A.S. elections
“”Students First dominates elections,”” April 15, 2002
“”I’m really honored that the students of UCSD saw the passion of Students First and the dedication to our issues.””
— Newly-elected A.S. President Jenn Brown
“”Students First dominates elections,”” April 15, 2002
“”I just learned that someone I had met [in Israel] was recently killed in a suicide bombing.””
— Revelle senior Josh Shupack
“”Across the campus, across the world,”” April 15, 2002
“”I know this may sound biased, but I automatically classify [Jews]. It is because of them that I can never go back to my homeland.””
— Muir junior Joseline Ilian
“”Across the campus, across the world,”” April 15, 2002
“”Students who voted blindly along slate lines placed incompetence over experience, panhandling over real leadership and unity over intelligence. This is cronyism at its worst, rivaling city political machines at the turn of the century.””
— Guardian editorial board
“”Slates unfairly compromise A.S. elections,”” April 18, 2002
“”We don’t believe Peter [Butcher] could have possibly been in the area and committed the crime.””
— Lt. Billy Byrne of the Santa Barbara Sheriff’s Department
“”Student cleared of syringe assault charges,”” April 18, 2002
“”In short, I am the biggest 20-year-old dork at this institution. And, if you take a look around, that is saying a lot.””
— Divya Runchal
“”Reviving freshman year,”” April 18, 2002
“”Ever wonder how many people really get transported to Detox on an average night? Or how many people actually get caught drunk in public? For every person who is reported, there are probably 30 puking their guts out from a night of heavy binge drinking.””
— Mary-Onelia Estudillo
“”Battling the binge-drinking life,”” April 22, 2002
“”Where’s the hell’s the beer garden?””
— Muir Dean Charles “”Chips”” Dreilinger
“”Muirstock rocks the house,”” April 22, 2002
“”Of the students surveyed, 75 percent said that they ‘strongly agreed’ or ‘agreed’ that they felt a sense of belonging at UCSD.””
— Sara Hahn
“”UCSD senior conducts campuswide survey,”” April 22, 2002
“”The Oscars are a cinematographically-irrelevant, self-celebratory ceremony. The films that are rewarded consider themselves a success if they can hold the box office for three consecutive weeks at the multiplex in a shopping mall.””
— Simone Santini
“”Media gratuitously throws term ‘historic’ around,”” April 25, 2002
“”There is something nasty about jacking off to girls whose complete lingerie collection looks like Cameron Diaz’s Underoos in ‘Charlie’s Angels.'””
— Wilson Chen
“”Porn: Perversion or Protected?,”” April 29, 2002
“”I have indeed met social, straight-edge Tritons. Their numbers correlate to the fingers on one hand.””
— Kirsten Hubbard
“”For better or for worse, alcohol plays a major role at UCSD,”” May 2, 2002
“”Well, it’s spring again, and, as is the case with every normal person out there, spring makes me think of penises.””
— Carrie Elizabeth Sklar
“”Basically,”” May 2, 2002
“”Inspect the rim of your toilet; that’s what color your hair is supposed to be. You’re not really blonde, remember?””
— Jeffrey White
“”Recognizing our better half,”” May 6, 2002
“”[Northern California’s] most noteworthy contribution to the annals of history is doubtlessly the term ‘hella’ (form before vowels: ‘helluv’).””
— Jennifer Sposito
“”Recognizing our better half,”” May 6, 2002
“”I never want to go to jail … again.””
— Muir freshman Joe O’Donnel
“”Ten questions,”” May 6, 2002
“”The charges are bullshit. [The administration] is using a regulation to shut down an organization it doesn’t like. When policy is used in this manner, that’s contrary to the freedoms given to us in the Bill of Rights.””
— George Liddle, Editor in Chief of The Koala
“”University taking Koala to J-board,”” May 6, 2002
“”The official mascot of UCSD is a powerful-looking, steel-stomached Greek god wielding a trident. This image is supposed to elicit feelings of pride, strength, ability and other virtues only expressible through mermen clutching large pole arms.””
— Chris Taylor
“”Team mascots should not stir offense,”” May 6, 2002
“”What really bothers me is the thought that there are all these random people, say John Doe who lives in Florida and reads the paper and just sees Peter Butcher arrested for this crime, and he never hears anything about it again. It’s a disturbing thought that there are these people out there thinking those thoughts about me.””
— Revelle senior Peter Butcher
“”Wrongly Accused,”” May 13, 2002
“”Are UCSD students actually expected to take it on faith that The Koala will receive a fair trial, especially when the trial is governed by the same university that has publicly condemned the defendant via all-campus e-mails and in the press?””
— Guardian Editorial Board
“”University must not keep Koala trial a secret,”” May 16, 2002
“”I couldn’t tell what it was at first; it was so flaccid.””
— “”LuAnn””
“”True tales of a spectacular Sun God,”” May 20, 2002
“”Anything can be abused. You would probably feel like shit after a 36-hour cocaine binge. But if you were to binge on chocolate for 36 hours straight, you would also be in bad shape.””
— Logan Goh
“”Responsible use of drugs is a far cry from abuse,”” May 23, 2002
“”Down II finds Pantera bassist Rex Brown … playing the dogshit of out of the four-string.””
— Rinaldo Dorman
“”Album review: ‘Down II,'”” May 23, 2002
“”If I were to parade down a football field dressed as a muscular, sequined version of the pope, would that be honoring Catholics?””
— Cori Roberts
Letter to the Editor, May 28, 2002
“”The big record labels are attempting to shape the future of music by manufacturing and force-feeding music down our throat with millions of dollars invested in marketing on artists whose talents are as thin as the paper their contracts are written on.””
— Joseph Lee
“”The State of Music: Today & Beyond,”” May 30, 2002
