Editor’s note: The following is a satirical article for The DisreGuardian, a series of articles published annually for The Guardian’s April Fool’s issue. Opinion will resume publishing normal content next week.
This past Sunday, Sigma Psi Epsilon revealed that it has begun constructing UC San Diego’s first-ever frat house. Once complete, the three-story building is set to house 71 members, complete with a catering kitchen, full-size pool, and underground parking. Designed by EOJ Construction Group, the structure will be built with a biophilic design and sustainable materials, following UCSD’s Long Range Development Plan for sustainability.
This project will be monumental for the UCSD community. Students have long complained about the lack of sociability around campus and investing in our Greek life is the right choice. We cannot depend on students rallying around sports or shared interests to create community; it must be Greek life.
The project’s angel investor, Mike Hawk, is a recent UCSD graduate and former Sigma Psi Epsilon president. Hawk graduated magna cum laude in 2025, is now a crypto advisor for Temu and shares the vision for a more social UCSD.
“As we know, many people believe that UCSD’s focus on STEM creates the stigma of a ‘socially dead’ identity, which is why we are so excited that its first-ever frat house will be built right next to Geisel Library,” Hawk said. “My vision for this project was to create a more social environment for the school, and taking this first step has truly been such an honor.”
However, this first step has been far from straightforward.
“The first hurdle in this project was actually getting that spot because, unfortunately, the area surrounding Geisel is a protected historic eucalyptus grove,” Hawk said. “But with the overwhelming support from FSL, we were able to work out a plan with the administration. Additionally, EOJ Construction Group has put forth their greatest efforts in making the land clearing as environmentally conscious as possible.”
After getting approval, Hawk and the team were able to move forward with the project. However, some community members remain concerned because Greek life is an institution built on the sexual assault of women. Nonetheless, it is crucial to remember that UCSD’s social scene cannot be repaired without fortifying our Greek organizations.
All in all, Hawk has continued his mission and intends to open the house next fall.
“The house will be holding a ribbon cutting on Sept. 11, open to all students regardless of affiliation,” Hawk announced. “Even though getting here was tough, I’m just so happy to make a lasting impact on the UCSD community.”
