“I’m struggling in one of my classes. One of my classmates always sits next to me and very loudly tells the professor I must need help because I haven’t finished the worksheet yet. It’s making me too embarrassed to go to office hours. I try to sit on the other side of the room, but the classmate follows me wherever I go. One time, this classmate knocked over my water bottle and claimed it was an ‘accident.’ How can I avoid things escalating further?”
Being a college student means facing all kinds of unique challenges, but encountering a bully straight out of a 2000s Disney Channel movie might just top them all. You are not alone! As someone who has consulted UC San Diego’s Office for the Prevention of Harassment and Discrimination, I have a few solutions to recommend.
1. Contact your instructional team
One of the most important things you can do is email your professor or teaching assistant and explain the situation. Your professor can take proactive measures, such as ensuring that you and your classmate are never placed in the same group for projects and monitoring classroom interactions to see if there is any more inappropriate behavior.
Never feel embarrassed about reaching out to the instructional team for advice; their job is to foster a supportive classroom environment for all students. It may be a little scary at first, but asking for help is never a sign of weakness. Be courageous and shoot your instructor an email, or attend office hours if you’d rather speak in person. You may find them to be more understanding and empathetic than you expected.
2. Sandwich yourself between two people
It seems like this classmate won’t let you avoid them, but you have the rest of your classmates to help! Find an open seat between two people already sitting to create a physical barrier that will surely deter your classmate from trying to sit close to you.
More importantly, take the opportunity to strike up a conversation with one of those two people beside you and turn them into an ally in class! Friends are crucial for standing up against bullies, and having a friend will give you more courage to keep attending class and could transform this daunting environment into a positive experience.
3. Set boundaries
If you feel comfortable enough to do so, consider speaking with this classmate directly to set boundaries. Let them know that their behavior has been hurtful to you, since they may not fully realize the impact of their actions. A calm yet firm conversation could open their eyes to the impacts of their behavior without escalating the situation.
If a full conversation is out of the picture, you can set boundaries as situations arise. For example, the next time they tell the professor you need help with a worksheet, you can turn your laptop away to stop them from looking over at your work or say that you appreciate their concern and will ask for help if you need it.
4. Consult the Office for the Prevention of Harassment and Discrimination
Lastly, if things do escalate, reach out to the Office for the Prevention of Harassment and Discrimination, which provides a safe space for students to file an anonymous report and seek confidential support for conflict resolution. In my experience, OPHD staff members are extremely accommodating and easy to approach. You can call, send the office an email, or visit in person on the fourth floor of Pepper Canyon Hall. Taking this route allows you to voice your concerns to a third party without the pressures of direct confrontation.
I hope that at least one of these strategies will help alleviate your classroom struggles. Tackle it with confidence — you got this!
