“My roommates are all ganging up on me because of a controversial opinion I have. They’re all whispering about me in the kitchen every day and stealing my Capri-Suns even though I wrote my name on them. I’ve tried reporting them to the RA, but we seem to be at a standstill. How can I navigate this issue for the remaining school year? I know we can’t all be friends, but I want us to at least be civil.”
– Juiceless in Revelle
Juiceless, I am so sorry to hear about your living situation. As a fellow Capri-Sun enthusiast, I can only imagine your outrage.
It’s a well-known fact that not everyone you meet in life will like you. Of course, this fact is a lot easier to swallow when you only see your opps once a week at most, and not first thing in the morning when you’re brushing your teeth every day. Luckily, Lifestyle has trod this path before. Let me share my unique qualifications.
I have heard many groan in sympathy when I tell them that I live in the same apartment as my RA. Little do they know that we’ve become good friends, and I’ve learned a lot from all the trainings she recaps for us. As a result, I am quite well-versed in the world of living-space conflict management and am more than happy to bestow this knowledge upon you.
Assuming your so-called controversial take is truly harmless, here are my tips for you.
- Kill ‘em with kindness
It’s natural that you’re quick to defend yourself when you feel threatened. However, for the sake of peace, it’s best that you drop this habit. Although it’s agonizing to listen to your roommates talk about you behind your back, I assure you that you’ll feel much worse if you confront them and end up in a full-blown argument in the middle of your kitchen.
Instead, make an effort to keep the shared space amicable. Hold polite conversation when greeting each other, don’t take any of their stuff in retaliation, and stay away from discussing any topics you have opposing viewpoints on. Even if you’re not friends, you can still be friendly with each other. Also, you didn’t hear this from me, but it’s always satisfying to watch someone fumble over the fact that their attempt to provoke you didn’t work because you’re just that unbothered.
The unfortunate reality is that there is not much you can do to make your roommates like you. People will always have different opinions from you, and you need to learn how to navigate relationships with them regardless. You have to treat them with respect and, if they are not extending that same courtesy to you, not stoop to their level. Just remember, the less you engage with their hostility, the less they will have to say about you.
- Limit your interactions with them
If the space you are supposed to call home is filled with people who antagonize you, you’re bound to feel powerless. For this reason, I encourage you to find other places where you feel happy and accepted.
Join a new social club like the Snow Club or Matcha Makers Association, attend our next home basketball game, or spend more time with friends outside your apartment. Talking to other people can help you feel less isolated or stuck with your roommates as your only source of social interaction. Even if you don’t have other people to hang out with, you can always attend solo activities like crafting events at The Zone or take a scenic walk to Torrey Pines Gliderport. I assure you, alone time is much better than staying in a hostile apartment environment.
Ultimately, stepping out of the apartment spares you from dealing with aggression and allows you to spend time with people and activities that feel fulfilling. It might also give everyone some time to cool down and let the tensions die out.
- Keep your RA in the loop
I’ve called in my RA roommate for backup on this one, since I figured she’d probably have a better idea of how to handle RA issues.
Although you might feel like your RA wasn’t particularly helpful after reaching out the first time, their advice may prove useful later down the line if you keep them in the loop. They are trained in deescalation strategies for situations exactly like yours and are equipped to recommend the best course of action. If your roommates’ behavior does not change, continue to report them to your RA via email or any other form of contact they’ve provided. You can also ask for a mediated apartment meeting where you can address your issues with the input of a professional third party.
You can also go to your college’s front desk staff or contact your RA’s supervisor to request further assistance with your situation, or to report your RA if they are not following their job duties.
I can’t stress enough how much sympathy I have for anyone stuck in a living space like this — the pressures of college life are already demanding enough without miserable roommate relations. Just keep in mind that this housing situation isn’t forever. When all hope seems lost, focus on the light at the end of the tunnel: Once you move out at the end of Spring Quarter, you’ll never have to see these people ever again.
