Here at UC San Diego, we know what it’s like to suffer. From all-nighters at Geisel Library to double shot lattes from John’s Market, every Triton has — or will — experience at least one finals horror story, whether that be due to procrastination, a stroke of bad luck, or simply just stress. So, buckle in as we at The UCSD Guardian share some of our spookiest finals horror stories to scare you straight into studying. Hopefully, you can learn from our mistakes, or at least get some comfort that you’re not alone.
“Night of the Living Study Guide”
Camille’s doom was sealed the moment she enrolled in a course on electoral systems in Fall Quarter of her second year. Our story begins one chilly November, when her professor announced the final exam would be open-note — unlimited pages, handwritten only. A weight lifted off her chest immediately. This was her chance to save her grade! That is, until she realized she’d been neglecting her readings since Week 5. How many pages would she have to write? A state of anxiety-filled delirium fueled 26 sheets of paper, front and back, of non-stop writing. The three days leading up to the final exam left Camille as a shell of her former self, her brain only allowing space for list types, single transferable vote, and whatever mixed-member majoritarian systems are.
On the dreaded day of the exam, Camille stumbled into the classroom with bleary eyes, her wrist spasming, and a half-finished energy drink in her ink-stained hand. And what did she see? The worst sight possible: Some classmates showed up with typed notes anyway. She cursed their boldness, unsure if the professor hadn’t noticed or was just too nice to say anything. An hour into the exam, things took a turn for the worse. She realized a crucial misstep — she forgot to number her pages. With each tick of the clock, Camille’s concentration broke, and her pages became increasingly disorganized. She winced at the sound of each student turning in their test and bidding the professor farewell, until she was all alone in the classroom, a sweaty and panicky mess. Finally, with one minute to spare, Camille turned in her exam. She knew she did well, but as she left the classroom, she couldn’t stop herself from breaking down. It was the most defeated she’d ever felt leaving a final. So, remember Camille’s tale when finals week rolls around. When the deadlines close in, work hard, but don’t trade your health for a handful of points — lest you find yourself lost, disappearing into the pages themselves.
– Camille de la Cruz, Contributing Writer
“The Last Tanning Ritual”
Hannah only had one hour left before her CHEM 11 final started in Galbraith Hall, and she was running around like a headless chicken through her Marshall Upper apartment. Did you think she was studying at the last minute? Nope, she was getting glammed up. You see, the only thing that was stressing her out was how she was going to apply a full Barbie beat of makeup — especially the glue for the fake eyelashes — while she was just a little stoned, buzzed even. Hell, what a first year Hannah was. Who gave her permission to prop up her leg in that tight triple room, lathering instant tanner all over her pale skin like her life was on the line? Hannah insisted on wearing little jean shorts to show off her new thigh tattoo to a room full of CHEM 11 students who could not care less. The scariest part was that she didn’t care either — about the exam, of course. It’s shuddering to picture how nonchalantly Hannah left that lecture hall with her eyebrows more filled in than her free-response answer sheet. If you can balance both beauty and brains, you’ve got your priorities straight. If you can’t, you’re lucky there’s overnight tanner.
– Hannah Jang, Staff Writer
“The Autopsy of Abigail Larsen”
Abigail’s last final of Winter 2024 was in five hours, and instead of studying, she was stuck inside Student Health Services, her bloody arm soaking in water. Beware of looking at your phone while running: You may trip and eat dirt in front of every walker, biker, and runner at the Torrey Pines State Natural Reserve. With her writing arm wrapped from hand to elbow in gauze, she knew she’d be incapable of writing in a Blue Book for three hours straight. So, she asked her professor for accommodations and was given the option to recite her answers verbally instead. Her anxiety spiked tenfold; oral exams had never been her forte, and she concluded that, despite all her studying, she was going to bomb. But a long near-tears conversation with her roommate calmed her nerves; she reminded Abigail that she hadn’t attended every grueling 80-minute lecture just to trip (again) at the finish line. And, what do you know, she gave the best answers she could and walked away with an A! So, if you ever find yourself in a bizarre situation like Abigail’s during finals week, take her advice. Never be afraid to reach out for help, whether that means asking your professors for accommodations or seeking guidance from your loved ones. Also, don’t run right before an exam, and if you do, at least watch your step.
– Abigail Larsen, Associate Copy Editor and Gamesmaster
“Nightmare on Mandeville Lane”
Neve arrived at her CHEM 6B final with all the confidence in the world. She had been studying nonstop, and even broke out the rainbow pens to make her cheat sheet. After sitting in the lecture hall for 10 minutes past the exam’s start time, Neve began to suspect that something was off. That’s when her professor announced on Canvas to the classroom full of anxious students that he had forgotten to print the exams. Did Neve feel slightly confused as to how someone could forget the most important thing they needed to bring to class? A bit. Did she understand why he couldn’t have just split up the eight teaching assistants to go and print them? Not particularly. Instead, he decided to move the exam online and changed all of the questions to free response — not multiple choice like she was expecting. Neve feared that a three-hour, free-response chemistry exam would be one of the worst finals she would ever take … and she was right! Her rainbow cheat sheet was soaked with tears by the end, but as she submitted her test with one final click, Neve sighed with resignation and got ready to enjoy the break.
– Neve Patel, Contributing Writer
