Editor’s note: The following is a satirical article for The DisreGuardian, a series of articles published annually for The Guardian’s April Fool’s issue. Features will resume publishing normal content next week.

Face of the men’s 5-inch inseam shorts movement Paul Mescal can no longer deny what the world has long known to be true: it has always been Daisy Edgar-Jones. Since the release of “Normal People” in 2020, fans have salivated over the continuous romantic tension between Mescal and Edgar-Jones both on and off screen. At the time of the show’s release, Mescal was dating Phoebe Bridgers, a solid choice off of his usual pop-girl roster. 

Though Bridgers’ “Savior Complex” music video starring Mescal was an admirable attempt at bringing attention away from the “Normal People” duo, Bridgers could not stomp out the rampant fire of threesome allegations involving Edgar-Jones. The infamous 2022 Met Gala photo did not help Bridgers’ case, and the couple’s breakup was confirmed later that year. 

Mescal’s recent relationship with pop singer Gracie Abrams surely led fans astray, leaving them wondering why Mescal would put himself in such a “sticky situation.” Alas, the winter clouds have parted, and the sun is shining brighter than ever as Mescal and Edgar-Jones were spotted galavanting around Sligo, where their love first blossomed on set. “Normal People” fans can finally rejoice in the finale of the couple’s five-year long game of will-they-won’t-they. But the ultimate question still stands: Is Mescal finally ready to hang up the slut-shorts for Edgar-Jones? Only time will tell.