Editor’s note: The following is a satirical article for The DisreGuardian, which are a series of articles published annually for The Guardian’s April Fool’s issue. Opinion will resume publishing normal content next week.

The white man has become the burden. It has been 20 years since white students attended UC San Diego in proportions that are true to their population in the state of California. It has been 20 years since APIMEDA students were a minority of the student population. It is about time that we addressed the root of the problem. We have been discriminating against white students for far too long, and we need to prioritize giving them a space on our campus.

People without color (PWC) are a minority group on campus just like others that have resource centers, and they should be afforded the same privileges that we give Black and Brown students. A PWC resource center should especially be prioritized before moving forward with talks about creating an APIMEDA resource center. UCSD is a majority-Asian institution, and our priorities should be cognizant of that. 

Instead of advocating for affirmative action and the reduction of legacy admissions, it is time for PWCs to take back from these supposedly marginalized communities to level the playing field. To those who say that APIMEDA people are not a monolith and encompass ethnicities with some of the best and worst economic outcomes, open your eyes! We are so privileged! It’s time for us to become educated servants to PWC and be the best minority group out there. Let us be the model — the gold standard for people of color (POCs) — so that all POCs will eventually do what’s right and contribute funds to establish a PWC resource center.

It doesn’t matter that certain Asian ethnicities make the least among all ethnic groups in the U.S. when some of us still economically tower over white people. History has treated us so well while turning a blind eye to white people. 

Chancellor Coalislaw has even said “A resource center for white people makes more sense than one for APIMEDA students. I see no reasonable explanation for there to not be one.” 

I know that the APIMEDA community has the greatest income inequality among ALL races, with the top 10% making 10 times more than the bottom 10%. But both the Chancellor and I agree that the sheer mass of Asian professionals we see cannot be ignored. It’s time to save white people.

There is no reason for an APIMEDA resource center. Our community has plenty of resources to stop hate crimes against us from happening — if any happen in the first place. Our community does not experience language barriers like some like to claim. If we did, how could so many of us have become doctors and engineers? White people are not as fortunate.

In fact, we should also use our new Asian American and Native American Pacific Islander Serving-Institution (AANAPISI) designation to apply for AANAPISI grants that can be used for a PWC or White Resource Center instead of an APIMEDA Resource Center. This would also ensure that the injustices against white people are addressed while keeping the funds in the realm of achieving demographic justice.

Forget saving affirmative action to save POCs. Save legacy admissions and white people, and support a center in honor of their safety. 

Graphic by Sparky Mitra