All Dogs Go to Hell

    If you ever wondered what happened to all the old VHS tapes collecting dust in your garage, it’s quite likely that they’ve already been sifted through and psyched out by the cult Internet prodigies Everything is Terrible.

    Since starting their website in 2008, Everything is Terrible has been responsible for an insurmountable number of bizarre viral videos ranging from instructional cat massages to pedophile-hunting dinosaurs. The clips are scrounged from the seven-man group’s private VHS vaults — some meticulously re-edited to frightening effect, some left completely untouched in all their bizarre glory.  

    Their newest full-length feature “DoggieWoggiez PoochieWoochiez” will find its way to the screen at UCSD’s Che Café on Feb. 21. Video artist and comedian Nic Maier, one of the founding members of EIT, found the time on EIT’s nationwide tour to cozy himself up under his thick fur coat in the back of their van to give us the low down on their website and latest film.

    According to Maier, the group’s hobby of manipulating found footage first transitioned from casual shenanigans to full-fledged web invasion while attending Ohio University.

    “Our original intention was to find tapes to laugh at after a night of college drinking,” Maier said. “Eventually we got tired of just drinking and laughing at videos, so we got more into working on things to share with each other.” 

    Before they knew it, their antics had caught the attention of Internet meme-sters across the globe. Videos of obscure religious children programming, long-forgotten D-movies and psycho-hypnotic PSAs resurfaced en masse via YouTube, often drawing thousands of views. 

    Today, jumping straight into the abyss of the Everything is Terrible catalogue can be a daunting task for anyone looking for a quick laugh.  Although searching through countless campy mash-up videos for hidden gems may be a rewarding experience for some, Maier offered up some good places to start, including his own personal favorite. 

    “My favorite is PARTYING WITH RUX! — a one-minute long extremely psychedelic video starring Teddy Ruxtin who mistakenly eats some roots in the forest and goes on a pseudo-drug journey,” Maier said. “It is definitely not for everyone. Yellow Dinosaur Pedophile Hunter seems to be the one that everyone enjoys.  Everyone agrees that pedophiles are bad and there should be a giant yellow dinosaur that hunts them down and punishes them.”

    Along with their expansive collection of remixed nostalgia on their blog, Everything is Terrible has taken it upon themselves to reach their goal of “not so much the largest collection of ‘Jerry Maguire’ VHS tapes in the world, but rather obtaining every single ‘Jerry Maguire’ tape still in existence,” according to Maier.  

    The venture has brought them deeper into the trend of interactive web culture, with donations of the “Jerry”s by hardcore fans becoming a staple of their live shows and the group including a leader board on their website (called “Maguire-Watch!”) to track those with the most donations.  Maier brags that they just broke 1,000 copies on one of their recent tour stops, confidently speculating they’ll reach around a million by the end of the tour.  

    “I can’t believe people do it,” Maier said. “Someone bought 300 copies with their own money and their parents helped them drive all of them over to the show…I feel like it’s something for everyone.  It’s like a scavenger hunt to feel united in this terrible culture that we’re all trapped in.”  

    “DoggieWoggiez PoochieWoochiez” attempts to push EIT’s warped creativity to another level in remaking Alejandro Jodorowsky’s demented 1973 surrealist classic “The Holy Mountain” exclusively with found footage of dogs.  

    “The image of a dog on a skateboard, wearing shades, eating pizza is pretty much the funniest, coolest idea ever to us,” Maier said. “It’s something we joked about for awhile: remaking [“The Holy Mountain”]. Because it’s just such a difficult movie to watch, understand, and feel like you’re totally grasping. The idea of remaking it just sounded so beautiful. I don’t think anyone could possibly remake it effectively by traditional means, and I think that made it so much more tempting for us to remake it.” 

    Clearly, they’re on to something.  And if you’re looking for some mind-twisting live entertainment Tuesday, “DoggieWoggiez PoochieWoochiez” will no doubt deliver the unexpected.  

    “It’s a pretty different experience,” Maier said. “[Imagine] one of our two-minute online videos blown up into two hours with full-size psychedelic Muppets dancing around on stage… it’s intense and exhausting but I don’t think people really have the chance to experience anything like it anywhere else.”

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