Grab Your Best Stationery, Some Thank Yous Are in Order

    Dear bloggers, Thanks for calling out lazy, inaccurate reporting like that of the New York Times’ Jim Rutenberg, who was responsible for that last fallacy about Accountability Now. We would have been massively misled, had you not revealed that the group is actually doing the complete opposite: demanding accountability from elected officials to guarantee they appropriately represent their constituents. And you deserve applause for doing the press corps’ dirty work. Keep it up! Affectionately, the American public.

    Dear Student Center custodians, Thanks for doing the campus’Otilde; dirty work – cleaning up the piss, shit, vomit and beer we’re too selfish and plastered to clean up ourselves. But please consider leaving the bathrooms unlocked at night again, they’re perfect for hotboxing. Sincerely, UCSD’s marsupial-loving hooligans.

    Dear aforementioned hooligans, Thanks for tirelessly rebelling against UCSD’s largely accepted lameness. You’re obnoxious and obscene, but you’re also genuinely excited about college and you go out of your way to give us reasons to be excited, too. Looking forward to the Sun God waterslide, Tritons.

    Dear Internet, Thanks for keeping me informed on all these issues, big and small, while simultaneously playing made-for-me radio. I don’t know how I’d swallow all that bad news if it weren’t for a helping of your melodic sugar. With admiration, Hadley.

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    Whew, the past month was big. I wasn’t expecting that. Sometimes, a month comes by and it’s so big you need to take a moment and reflect. In doing this, I realized there were quite a few people who should be writing thank-you notes after last month. And since they probably won’t and I was already taking the time to reflect, I decided to write out the thank-you notes myself.

    Dear Michael Phelps, Thanks for being human. You’ve reminded us nobody’s perfect, while simultaneously setting the record straight about marijuana. See DEA, the occasional bong rip at a party really isn’t that big of a deal, Michael Phelps does it and he’s one of the most hardworking, physically adept people in the world! Peace, the residents of Humboldt County and college students everywhere.

    Dear Chris Brown, Thanks for serving your time in the limelight; you’re doing a kick-ass job and I really appreciate it, man. Good luck with everything, Michael Phelps.

    Dear Michael Phelps, Chris Brown and Octomom, Thanks for lending some easy drama to a slow news day. Sure, GDP decreased over 6 percent in the fourth quarter, national unemployment is at highest (7.6 percent) and California’s is even higher, the Governator is maiming higher education and Accountability Now is infiltrating the country with its radical leftist agenda, but you guys still manage to keep our coverage fluffy with all your crazy antics. Love, collegiate journalists and big-shot news editors across the United States.

    Dear bloggers, Thanks for calling out lazy, inaccurate reporting like that of the New York Times’ Jim Rutenberg, who was responsible for that last fallacy about Accountability Now. We would have been massively misled, had you not revealed that the group is actually doing the complete opposite: demanding accountability from elected officials to guarantee they appropriately represent their constituents. And you deserve applause for doing the press corps’ dirty work. Keep it up! Affectionately, the American public.

    Dear Student Center custodians, Thanks for doing the campus’Otilde; dirty work – cleaning up the piss, shit, vomit and beer we’re too selfish and plastered to clean up ourselves. But please consider leaving the bathrooms unlocked at night again, they’re perfect for hotboxing. Sincerely, UCSD’s marsupial-loving hooligans.

    Dear aforementioned hooligans, Thanks for tirelessly rebelling against UCSD’s largely accepted lameness. You’re obnoxious and obscene, but you’re also genuinely excited about college and you go out of your way to give us reasons to be excited, too. Looking forward to the Sun God waterslide, Tritons.

    Dear Internet, Thanks for keeping me informed on all these issues, big and small, while simultaneously playing made-for-me radio. I don’t know how I’d swallow all that bad news if it weren’t for a helping of your melodic sugar. With admiration, Hadley.

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