A Sports Fan’s Holiday Wish List

    As the holiday season approaches, the focus for many will shift to family, friends, giving and receiving. So in the spirit of selfishness, it seems fitting to present an agenda-filled sports wish list:

    1. Get rid of Norv Turner. He has proven time and again that while he is a capable offensive coordinator, he is not a good head coach. The only reason he got the job was because Chargers general manager A.J. Smith fired Marty Schottenheimer deep into the 2007 offseason, and then Turner just Callahan-ed the team into the playoffs. The difference is Bill Callahan was able to get the Jon Gruden-built Oakland Raiders to the Super Bowl before everyone realized he was a crappy coach who lucked out with a team others had built. A series of close losses this season just shows that the more time the Chargers spend with Turner, the more they bask in that permeating losing stench.

    2. More Lakers greatness, but less Lakers exaggerations. While the Lakers have looked awesome up to this point in the season, they are not a perfect team, are not a lock to win the NBA Championship and are not the equivalent of the 1995-96 Chicago Bulls squad that went an all-time best 72-10. With Andrew Bynum back in the lineup and Lamar Odom accepting his role coming off the bench, L.A. is off to a 14-2 start. However, 70 wins is a lot harder than it may seem right now.

    3. Change the Rose Parade into a Derrick Rose Parade. Rose has been amazing for a Chicago Bulls squad that hasn’t done much to help him. New Year’s Day could include highlights from his NBA career thus far, or maybe just let him wave from the floats for awhile. Rose might not be as flashy as Chris Paul, but every time you watch him play, it seems like the start of something special.

    4. Prevent the Angels from signing C.C. Sabathia. While a trade for Jake Peavy would help the team, Sabathia is a mistake waiting to be made. Hopefully, the Yankees will be making it and receiving the gift of weight issues and postseason collapses. The Angels had an overweight ace in Bartolo Colon before. I think he offered me bacon and avocado at Subway the other day.

    5. Send the Dodgers back to Brooklyn and let their bandwagon fans follow. New L.A. fans hope Manny is re-signed so they can keep wearing the fake dreads they bought. Other baseball fans think the team belongs back East with New York and Boston. While the Dodgers are worthwhile to relive past greats, many of the fans for the Dodgers this year don’t even remember when Eric Gagne was good.

    6. Give Plaxico Burress a holster and a little common sense. Following Burress’ inability to show up for practice, the Giants receiver went out for a night on the town. If you’re heading to a nightclub, you might want to leave your gun at home. If your gun falls out of your pocket and shoots you in the leg, you’re probably better off not saying it happened at Applebee’s and your name is Harris Smith. This is worse than when Michael Vick tried to sneak weed through an airport with a water bottle. Also, Ron Mexico is a way better alias than Harris Smith.

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