Like any respectable San Diegan, I am a huge fan of our beloved San Diego Chargers. With so many great players to choose from, it is hard for me to name any one my favorite, but there is no player on the team who is more fun to watch than outside linebacker Shawne Merriman. In fact, every Sunday you can find me glued to my couch proudly displaying my Chargers jersey with the big number “56” on both sides.

With all the admiration I shower on the man nicknamed “Lights Out,” it’s no surprise that I was shocked to hear that Merriman had tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs and would be suspended for four games. To make matters worse, the news came only one day after the Chargers had lost an overtime heartbreaker to their division rival, the Kansas City Chiefs.

When I first heard the news, I did not completely know how to react. As a loyal fan, I was upset with Merriman, but I began to question exactly what it was that upset me about the situation.

I am one of those who believes that the number of athletes who take performance-enhancing drugs is vastly underestimated. In a world where the average sports fan wants athletes to be stronger, quicker and more devastating, the pressure on pro athletes to live up to these expectations is great.

There is convincing evidence in every major professional sport in the country that performance-enhancing drugs are used by a variety of players, whether it be the worst member on the worst team or the superstars we worship on a daily basis.

So I asked myself, am I really upset that Merriman allegedly used these drugs, or am I upset that he will be missing four games? To my surprise, I realized that I do not particularly care if the athletes who I watch take the field every Sunday are using drugs or supplements to play better. I understand why they do it, and it makes the game more fun to watch when linebackers like Merriman are taking the heads off of helpless quarterbacks.

However, I also understand the ethical, legal and health issues that performance-enhancing drugs present. It’s unfair for the players who don’t use these drugs to be forced to compete with those who do use them, and many would say that steroids are ruining the integrity of professional sports. In addition, there is startling evidence linking anabolic steroids to serious health issues.

Merriman claims that he tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs because of a tainted dietary supplement. He issued an apology shortly after the story broke and said that he understands that it is his responsibility to know what is going into his body.

He also said that he apologizes for letting his teammates down at a critical point in the season when the Chargers are looking to find their rhythm.

Despite the dark cloud surrounding him, when Merriman was allowed to take the field this past weekend against the St. Louis Rams due to his now-nonexistent appeal of the suspension, he received an uproar of an applause, and there were thousands of Merriman jerseys decorating the faithful San Diego crowd.

“To see all those ‘56’ jerseys out there, you couldn’t ask for anything more than that,” Merriman told the San Diego Union-Tribune. “Walking into the stadium and people telling me how much of a role model I still am, that’s what I look at my job to be.”

Reading this, it is clear that I am not the only Chargers fan who holds nothing against Merriman for trying to find an advantage in a game where just an extra half-step can guarantee you success. I am upset that I will not be able to watch Merriman play for over a month, and the Chargers defense may struggle because of the absence of its best defensive player. But you can bet that this weekend, even though Merriman is not playing, I will still proudly display his jersey as I watch his teammates do battle against the Cleveland Browns.

I can only hope that when Merriman comes back, he will be just as effective as when he left.

And if he’s not, I’m sure that there is someone else on the Chargers who can give him the number of another good chemist in the area.