Best Title For A Bad Movie: Kingdom of Heaven

“Kingdom of Heaven” certainly conjures images of a film destined to be filled with grandeur and epic scale. Yet despite one of the best performances of Edward Norton’s career, the inclusion of new Bond girl Eva Green and the direction of Ridley Scott, the film was an overall mess. Clearly, there is only one explanation for why it deserves to be the winner of this category: The actor whose name is at the top of the marquee, Orlando Bloom.

As host Chris Rock said at last year’s Oscars, anytime a period piece is being cast, you have to get Russell Crowe. Look no further than Crowe’s Oscar-winning performance in “Gladiator,” which was directed by Scott. He experienced firsthand just how correct Rock was. How did he not realize (or how did he forget) that Crowe is gold in sword-and-armor movies? Let’s not forget his turns in “A Beautiful Mind,” “Master and Commander” and “Cinderella Man,” either.

But strangely, Sir Ridley’s thought process led him to go with Bloom, a guy who, at this point in his career, has only proved that he is good in supporting roles: Legolas in “Lord of the Rings,” Will Turner in “Pirates of the Caribbean” and Paris in “Troy.”

At least Scott can say he wasn’t the only big-name director who thought Bloom could carry a film. Three words: Cameron Crowe’s “Elizabethtown.”