Admit it: the hottest Mud-blood this side of Hogwarts is Hermione Granger. No matter how you justify it (both Hermione and actress Emma Watson are 16-year-olds), who cares that she’s jailbait? This sorceress prodigy can easily cast a spell on my heart. Fuck that, I just want her to say “wingardium leviosa” and let me have my way with her. That auburn hair. That brilliant mind. That snappy wit. That schoolgirl outfit. It just gets better and better every year the fiery redhead spends at Hogwarts. Imagine how ripe she’ll be by the seventh, yet-to-be-named novel.
Or if you’ve caught the yellow fever, and an older type is your taste, you could always go for the Asian-by-way-of-Scotland cutie Cho Chang. Since Cedric’s out of the picture, she’s sure to be in need of some tender lovin’ comfort. Either way, guys and gals, remember: age ain’t nothing but a number.
— Charles Nguyen
Senior Staff Writer
At the risk of being black-listed as a potential Roman Polanski, I write this ode to the wonders of puberty … and to Daniel Radcliffe in “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.” There’s no denying the 17-year-old’s allure, especially when his supple and lithe young body is showcased in a steaming bath, albeit with an unattractive female ghost sitting in his lap. (That scene is almost worth the day or two I spent digitally superimposing my face onto hers.) Whether he’s waving his wand or flying through the air with a Firebolt between his legs, Radcliffe always manages to turn me into a Moaning Myrtle. Is it his innocence? The tousled brown hair on his furrowed brow? His heroics? His angst? Whatever it is, there is only one thing on my mind after watching that movie, and it’s definitely not his pink, throbbing, veiny … scar. For those of you wary of underage fun, there’s always the dashing Cedric Diggory — he can perform a “petrificus totalus” and go to work on me any day.
— Utako Ueda
Contributing Writer