When out dancing in Pacific Beach with girlfriends, Chilean student Maria Jose Viollier had no qualms about brushing off the men who pressed up behind her, trying to engage her in an American-style grind. In Chile, dancing is rhythmic and certainly sexy — but it occurs with space between a couple’s bodies. Dance that resembles foreplay made Viollier uncomfortable.
Dilemmas arising from cultural differences are an inevitable part of the study-abroad experience — especially if you’re a woman living in UCSD’s International House. Unfortunately, women studying abroad face an extra set of worries about status and safety, leading many study-abroad programs to provide additional training for female students about prevailing American attitudes toward women, as well as acceptable behavior in the States.
In International House, the union of multiple cultures forces women from around the globe to cope with differences relating to everything from greetings to sex.
I-House, a three-building co-ed dorm complex in Eleanor Roosevelt College, was founded in 1988 with the goal of bringing together international scholars and resident Tritons. Each apartment is half American and half international. Residents participate in activities such as Global Gourmet or the International Affairs Group to promote cultural exchange and understanding.
In I-House, American dorm life is the dominant culture — giving international students a truly American college experience — but it is infused with customs from around the globe. You might see a group of students sitting on International Walk with a late-night cup of tea, while others spark a midnight run to In-N-Out.
With students from over 30 countries living in an insular community, even everyday interaction can be bewildering.
For many international students, the adjustments begin with the introduction.
When meeting someone in Chile, Viollier, a student from Pontificia Universidad Catolica de Chile, said people kiss once on the cheek and begin a conversation. She found the American tradition of shaking hands very cold. “At first it seemed impolite,” she said. “For me, it’s so much more kindly to kiss than to shake hands.”
Angelique Brouwer, a student from the University of Leiden in Holland, had the opposite reaction to American greetings. She found Americans enthusiastic and friendly, and was surprised that they continually ask, “Hey, how’s it going?” or “What’s up?” because the Dutch, according to Brouwer, would only be that warm with their close friends. She felt unsure about how to respond. Several times, she said, she gave a genuine answer about her day, then realized that the person was already walking away.
Working at a coffee cart on campus, Brouwer quickly learned that these comments are not fake, just customary. It took some time to acclimate to such brief interchanges; at first she felt like her pattern of speech was too slow, but now she’s learned to speak quickly.
Once an I-Houser has moved past the introductory stage, establishing close friendships with either males or other females may require some compromise. Erika Oba, a Japanese student from the University of Tsukuba, explained that the way American students tease each other shocked her. To her, some of their jokes seemed overly frank and hurtful, and she had to struggle not to take them seriously.
Though she’s used to a less direct style of communication, Oba has learned to appreciate the curt sense of humor, making digs of her own. Her friends reciprocate by toning down their comments.
“I can accept some of it but not too much,” Oba said. And, about the times when she does join in, she said, “I find it fun because they accept that too. So I’m just enjoying it.”
I-House has broadened Oba and Viollier’s experiences with men. Viollier did not have many male friends at home because she went to a girls’ secondary school and her university courses in teaching are mainly for women. Since separate girls’ and boys’ schools are common in Chile, this is true for many, but not all, Chilean women.
Oba’s university, by contrast, is in a scientific, contemporary city, where male and female students are integrated, and even live together. However, Japanese women would never hug their male friends, nor would they dress with an exposed chest or shoulders.
Erin Gonzales, an American I-Houser who studied in Bordeaux, France, last year, recalled coping with different cultural norms about dress while she was abroad.
Feeling comfortable required that Gonzales understand the French conception of appropriateness — which is so nuanced that it sometimes appears inconsistent.
“Women in France dress much more conservatively than Americans,” Gonzales said. “Wearing a low-cut shirt or shorts [in France] is taken almost like an invitation for harassment.
“One minute in a sun dress and already you feel like a prostitute. It’s strange because women can be half-naked on a beach and never get a second glance.”
From the Japanese or Chilean perspective, Americans have liberal male-female relations. The Dutch, on the other hand, have the impression that “Americans are quite Puritan,” as Brouwer put it. In Holland, Brouwer can talk openly about sex with her parents or her friends, and sex education is extensive — right down to relay races with “condoms and wooden dicks.” She was surprised to discover that “Kids,” an American movie that figures in the informal sex education of most Dutch teenagers, is virtually unknown here.
Brouwer confessed that sometimes her jokes about sex might shock her roommates, but she doesn’t seem to feel uncomfortable about it. If her roommates are anything like Oba, they’re probably not bothered, either — Oba commented that Japanese women are embarrassed to say explicit, sexual words, but that she finds it interesting to talk to more forthright I-Housers.
In fact, sexual life at college in all three countries seems not to differ much from that at UCSD. Both Brouwer and Oba indicated that many types of relationships are acceptable in their home countries, as they are here. Though taboos about discussing sex are stronger in Japan, practices are about the same, at least at Oba’s university.
For Viollier, the comparison is more complex due to the wide gap between expectation and practice in her home country. In general, Chileans expect women to remain chaste until marriage, so while many students are sexually active, they hide it from everyone but friends of the same age. Though Chilean practices are not as conservative as they may appear, Viollier was nonetheless taken aback by the frequency of one-night stands at UCSD.
“In Chile,” she said, “there’s only one option — it’s not okay to do whatever you want.”
Most Chilean students live in their parents’ house and see their friends only on the weekends. Because women live in their parents’ house until they get married, they never reach the level of independence that American college women have.
“[It’s] not necessary to do as many things like [it is] here, for example cooking, clean up your bedroom, or laundry,” Viollier said. “On the other hand, this self-sufficiency brings you more options, freedom. It’s your choice to study or not, to come home late or early, or to do anything you want.”
While Viollier enjoys greater liberty in I-House, Brouwer sometimes finds living in I-House frustrating. In Holland, she lived in the middle of a large city with other students. Here, she does not like to be dependent on others, and the lack of public transportation forces her to ask for rides or stay on campus. The choice has made her realize how greatly she values her self-sufficiency.
Nevertheless, Brouwer is grateful for the chance to meet people that living in I-House brings. And it has other rewards as well. Because culture clash is intensified in I-House, making it necessary to change one’s habits or accept others’ customs, living there illuminates issues of culture and gender.
On one hand, the large becomes small — the intimacy of I-House proves that cultural differences can be resolved just like any personal difference through communication and compromise. On the other hand, the small becomes large — through social interaction, I-House women learn to recognize and evaluate their self-image, traits, values and place in the world.
