Least Impressive Wes Anderson Film (but we still love him anyways)

OK — just to set things straight: “The Life Aquatic” does not suck completely. It was much better than “Christmas with the Kranks,” “Closer” and many other sucky films that came out at around the same time. Wes Anderson is still awesome and most fans still love him. With that said, boy oh boy, “The Life Aquatic” was a major disappointment.

Where was the familiarity with oddball characters placed in graceless situations that made us laugh? Where was the realism in the out-there, eccentric characters that made us cry? Where was the flawless music execution that drove home just the right emotion at just the right moment? Nope, none of that to be found.

Instead, we have a random collection of jokes revolving around characters with lame accents who we don’t care about, all motivated supposedly by the hunt for some shark. Oh yeah, and Seu Jorge doing acoustic Portuguese adaptations of David Bowie songs, which would seem cool if they weren’t totally forced onto the plot.

Sure, the ’70s-inspired Cousteau art direction and the stop-time animation looked really neat. But that was all we got: a cool-looking film. We Anderson fans are willing to let this one slide, because every good director is allowed to make one bad film, but please, Wes, no more Steve Zissou.