Koala wins annual sloshball game

In the annual Guardian vs. Koala sloshball game, traditionally held the day after the Sun God festival, the Koala ended the Guardian’s two-year winning streak with a 12-6 win in a game featuring six brawls, four drink-offs and two players puking.

Lyon Liew

Playing at an undisclosed location, game time was delayed two hours as Koala members trickled in late to their own challenge game. However, once enough members of the Koala arrived to field a team and the keg of Coors Light was secured at second base, the game began with heavy hangovers on both sides.

The rules of the game stipulated that no base runner was allowed to leave second base until he drank a cup of beer, and every player had to drink “”Booze-aid”” (a mixture of various types of alcohol and Gatorade) for 10 seconds upon scoring.

After the initial coin toss was called correctly by Koala editor George Liddle, Guardian sports editor Isaac Pearlman led off the game with a double.

Former Guardian Managing Editor Bill Burger then singled, moving Pearlman to third. Burger later advanced to second, however both were stranded as the Guardian hitters were unable to produce a hit.

Although the Koala players came up empty from their first at-bats, they set the tone of the game with their first batter, who, after making it to first base off a grounder, proceeded to test the fortitude of news editor Josh Crouse, who was playing with a reported temperature of 102 degrees.

The Guardian again drew goose eggs in the top of the second, as both teams began to focus more on drinking than hitting.

However, in the bottom of the second, the Koala drew first blood, pushing across a run to take the 1-0 lead.

The Koala struck again in the fourth inning, as four members of their team piled up at second base, then all came around to score on a single to right field by Liddle.

The Guardian responded in the second half of the inning, scoring two runs to narrow the Koala’s lead to 5-2. After the Koala scored another run, the Guardian then scored four runs in the top of the fifth to tie the game, featuring runs by editor in chief Jeff White and Managing Editor Lauren Coartney.

The Koala pushed across another run in the bottom of the inning to retake the lead, then scored five more in the fifth inning — an inning broken up by two brawls as the intoxication level increased on both sides. The long inning also featured several drink-offs, in which a representative from each side drank a cup of beer in order to resolve a disputed call during the game.

As the game wore on, both teams had trouble stringing together enough hits to score, and in the ninth inning the tapped keg signaled it would be the last. After the Guardian put several runners on base, a line drive to first ended their hopes of a comeback.