Them Hoops Be Too Damn High

    The other day, a few buds and I went out to the courts to play some hoops. Back in the day, my nickname was Larry Bird for my sweet shot. Lately, I have not played so much with studies and other responsibilities taking my time.

    After stretching some and banging bodies down low with the crew, I realized why I never pursued my basketball career to the next level.

    I am too short.

    Back during my freshman year of high school, I was the star of my high school team. I averaged 38 points a game while pulling down 15 rebounds each outing. Colleges were already recruiting me and I had a couple of calls from some pro teams that I won’t mention (the New Jersey Nets and the Denver Nuggets).

    One problem hit me after that year in high school.

    I quit growing.

    Right now, I am 5′ 10″”. That is what I was at the age of 14. All the scouts figured I had just started growing.

    As it turns out, I had just finished. By the time I was 17, my shot was still sweet, but I hadn’t put on any more height. The offers quit coming from the colleges and the pros, and I was relegated to the playground.

    During the years since my demise, I have reflected, and the game with my friends made me realize something.

    My height is not the problem; the problem is the height of the basket.

    The hoop is 10 feet from the floor, making it so that only the tallest of players can participate with the most success. Height, more than pure skill, is an advantage.

    So, I propose that the NBA lower the hoop. Then, playing basketball at the professional level would be open to just about everyone.

    Lowering the hoop to about seven feet will enable me and those like me, those with the mad skills but hindered by low growth action, can compete.

    The NBA’s rule of the hoop height is blatantly discriminatory. It is clearly put at the 10-foot level to keep those of small stature from playing. Those with the physical detriment of shortness are being denied the glory and the riches of playing professional basketball. This is not right.

    So, I have submitted a formal proposal demanding that the NBA lower the hoop, therefore giving everyone a chance.

    If the NBA does not comply with this demand, I am prepared to organize a class-action lawsuit against the organization, suing it for discrimination. If David Stern won’t change the rules, perhaps the rules can be changed in the courts.

    Ahh, I can see my great career coming back to me. I wonder if that offer from the Nets is still on the table?

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