At this time of year a large chunk of our campus population is new to San Diego and the “”SoCal”” area in general. If you are one of these new freshman or a transfer student, you might admit that if you were to bump into Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz on the beach, you would turn into a tongue-tied, stuttering, star-struck shell of your former self.
As novices it is understandable to have these anxiety attacks, but you have just stepped onto the ultimate playing field for a pastime that I like to call “”fishing for film stars.”” The rules, in order to be a successful fisherman, are not hard to follow. You might even apply some to other areas of life, but the important thing is to stick with them.
This leads us to our first rule: Don’t let a good one slip away! A good film star fisherman knows that these stars are professional when it comes to dodging recognition. Take for example my encounter with Bono, from the Irish band U2, in San Diego’s Little Italy. I walked out of a restaurant with some friends and realized that the man walking right past me was Bono. Yes, he was shorter than I imagined, but he was wearing Bono’s trademark yellow sunglasses, and DAMMIT it was him. Of course, I then had to convince the people I was with that this was Bono. As we walked to our car, Bono again walked by. This time my sister stopped him and said, “”I have to ask: Are you that singer from U2?”” To which Bono responded with a full on Irish accent: “”No, that’s my brother.””
We, of course, were left holding our leftovers looking at each other with no witty comeback in order to find out more. Bono was too slippery for us. And our second rule? Have an opening line ready to approach your catch with and a backup, too. Some like to use the versatile “”Hey, love your work!”” You could also lead with “”Iím sorry, you look really familiar, are you [fill in name here]?”” Even though it’s better to be correct, a mistake might leave the person flattered to be thought of as someone rich and famous. The point is not to be overly obvious to the people around you and not to pester your target. Remember people, this is a catch and release program!
3. It is crucial to at least know the name of the person you’re about to talk to. One woman I know practically ran into Kate Moss and Johnny Depp leaving a store in Los Angeles. As she realized that this scruffy man was someone famous, she also realized that she had no idea what his name was. So she stuck out her hand and said, “”Are you who I think you are?”” to which Johnny smiled and shook her hand. Should you find yourself in this predicament, execute rule two with a line that does not require you to know the star’s name.
4. Hopefully you’ll agree that autographs are a real waste of paper. Plus, you’ll only embarrass yourself if you don’t have any paper and have to ask to get your bra signed in the middle of a busy street. We are not trophy fishing, it’s for our own sense of fun, for the adventure, and even though we’re not climbing Mt. Everest, we are testing our own limits.
5. Film star fishing makes for great “”I caught one this big”” stories. There is no shame in grabbing a cell phone and calling a fellow fisherman. For example, I once spotted Tammy from “”Survivor: Marquesa”” at a mall and stalked her into a stationary store. I kept my cool, said, “”Excuse me,”” and asked if she was who I thought she was. Then I darted out of the store and made a complete ass of myself calling a fellow “”Survivor”” fan and retelling the whole story.
6. It’s crucial that you do not make an ass of yourself in front of a star. Remember that you walk into the situation with the upper hand. You have the means to know everything about this person: their dress size, their fertility problems, their sexual preferences and even their driving record. They, on the other hand, know nothing about you and – let’s be honest – they could probably care less. The point is not to turn yourself into a story. Imagine Jennifer Aniston going home and telling Brad Pitt: “”Honey, I was at the store today and some girl said hello to me and then fainted dead away.”” Talk about embarrassing.
7. When approaching your film star be sure to be polite (obviously, this rule flies for any person you meet), but be prepared for some rudeness on their part. You have the element of surprise on your side ó they might be in their bathrobe getting coffee. Or, in other cases, you might catch them on vacation. Alex Kingston, from the TV show “”ER,”” was not too happy to be spotted while on a safari in Kenya. Honestly, did she really think no one watches “”ER”” in the African bush?
8. On that note, don’t be nervous. At some point in their career this multi-Oscar winner you’re about to approach had stage fright too. But if they can play drug lords, hit men or an elf, Iím sure that you can summon up enough courage to offer a smile and a “”hello”” Remember, in a movie star’s job description, right under “”diva”” it says: “”is willing to play nice with strangers.””
9. Do not let down your guard. Remember the clichÈ “”famous people are just like the rest of us.”” To a certain extent that’s true, we just have to bridge a million-dollar gap. I followed a movie star-looking woman around a grocery store once, but before I could execute rule two, she disappeared into the frozen food section. I was also in a car on Rodeo Drive when I passed Tom Arnold. No, I didn’t crash.
10. Most importantly, do not let this new sport consume your life or soon there will be a restraining order with your name on it. We, as loyal movie watchers and concertgoers, have helped to pay for these stars’ careers. While we must hone our athletic film star fishing skills, this is a sport, and if you get a contract and go pro, you’ll be playing for a new team: the paparazzi.
