Editor’s note: The following is a satirical article for The DisreGuardian, a series of articles published annually for The Guardian’s April Fool’s issue. Features will resume publishing normal content next week.

In a press release on March 23, UC San Diego administrators announced that Sixth College will finally receive an official name — Charlie Kirk College — starting on Monday, over two decades after its founding.

“With Eleanor Roosevelt College, we honored a historic first lady who championed human rights and global progress,” Chancellor Pradeep Khosla said. “Naturally, we asked ourselves how to continue that legacy.”

According to the announcement, Sixth College will be renamed Charlie Kirk College to honor the late political commentator as an “influential campus dialogue pioneer” and “arbiter of justice and freedom across this great nation.”

Khosla stated that the decision reflects Sixth College’s emphasis on culture and critical thinking.

“Sixth has always been about challenging perspectives,” Provost Lakshmi Chilukuri said. “And we asked ourselves: Who better represents thoughtful, nuanced discourse than someone who mass-produced highly shareable clips of his debates on Truth Social?”

Chilukuri added that the decision followed “extensive consultation,” including a 3 a.m. Reddit thread, a faculty email chain that no one finished reading, and “one guy in Geisel who nodded when we said the name out loud during finals week.”

The University also confirmed that Sixth Market will be renamed Charlie Chicken Market, which will introduce “debate-based pricing,” where students must justify their purchases before checkout.

Administrators also cited Kirk’s signature debating style as a model for future general education courses, with potential additions like “advanced viral debating” and others focused on prioritizing confidence in fast-paced digital discourse.

Administrators confirmed that additional changes are being considered, including renaming discussion sections to “open debates” and updating the college slogan to “Prove Me Wrong.”

Students expressed mixed reactions to the change.

“I think it’s cool that Sixth is finally getting a name; it’ll definitely give the college more of an identity,” said second-year student Willie Williamson, who described himself as “not political, just really into arguing.”

Others were less certain.

“I thought not having a name was the name,” third-year student Robin Banks said, pausing to Google “Charlie Kirk” and “Like… was that not intentional?”