Editor’s note: The following is a satirical article for The DisreGuardian, a series of articles published annually for The Guardian’s April Fool’s issue. Features will resume publishing normal content next week.
In a groundbreaking effort to revive campus social life and combat the “UC Socially Dead” stereotype, UC San Diego announced the launch of COMM 1: Introduction to Small Talk on Tuesday. This four-unit course, starting Fall 2026, aims to help students navigate basic human interaction without immediately defaulting to silence, stress, or a discussion about midterms.
The course, set to take place “out in the wild” in Price Center — widely regarded as the closest thing UCSD has to a “social hub” — will teach students how to engage in casual conversations in real-world settings, such as restaurant lines and club socials.
“Price Center felt like the natural location,” said one administrator. “It’s where students already gather — just not necessarily to talk to each other.”
According to the syllabus, COMM 1 will cover essential skills, including: how to answer “How are you?” without overthinking it, making eye contact without panicking, and responding to small talk without bringing up your major. Weekly discussion sections will place students in simulated scenarios, such as standing next to someone while waiting for boba and attempting to initiate conversation.
The midterm exam will require students to successfully hold a two-minute conversation with a stranger in Price Center without checking their phone. The final will involve a group project in which students must attend a campus event and “interact like a normal person for at least five consecutive minutes.”
Many students have expressed cautious optimism.
“I think this could be useful,” first-year Kevin Nguyen said. “Yesterday, someone said ‘hi’ to me, and I just kind of froze. I feel like with proper training, I could maybe say ‘hi’ back.”
Others are less convinced. “If someone wants to talk to me, they can email me,” said third-year Jason Liu, who confirmed he has never once made small talk in Price Center despite eating there at least once a week.
To support the course, UCSD plans to designate parts of Price Center as “Small Talk Practice Zones,” where students can rehearse phrases like, “That line is so long,” or “I like your shoes,” under the supervision of trained peer mentors.
Faculty remains hopeful the class will make a positive difference.
“Our goal isn’t to turn UCSD into a party school,” one instructor clarified. “We just want students to acknowledge each other’s existence.”
Surveys gauging student enthusiasm suggest strong interest in the course, with administrators encouraging students to claim their spots as soon as enrollment opens on WebReg. Faculty members say the demand reflects a growing awareness that, in addition to academic success, students may eventually need to speak to other humans.
For now, UCSD is taking it one conversation at a time.
“Even just a ‘hey’ is a big step,” the instructor said. “We’re not aiming for charisma — just basic functionality.”
