Let me guess: You were too busy balancing your absurd amount of late-quarter midterms and fighting the WebReg war to process that the holidays are fast approaching. Now, it’s Thanksgiving week, and you’re left with absolutely zero ideas on what dish to bring for dinner. Don’t fret — we’re here to help!
While we — as one international student who doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving and one picky eater who usually sticks to mashed potatoes — may not have the refined Thanksgiving palate necessary to determine the best recipes, we certainly have the skillset to know bad food when we taste it. We scoured Reddit for the worst-reviewed Thanksgiving recipes to verify if they do, in fact, deserve that reputation. Our article aims to help you narrow down the overwhelming decision of what not to make — by a whopping three dishes. Happy (not) cooking!
Appetizer: Pear ‘salad’ — ‘I think you may have just listed the worst possible combinations of flavors,’ claimed Reddit user DManswersall.
There was no better way to start our venture into the world of unconventional side dishes than this Southern classic. After all, nothing gets us more in the mood to feast than when a recipe quite literally begins with a vomit emoji. Looking closely at the combination of ingredients — canned pear with a blob of mayonnaise in the center, topped with cheddar cheese and a maraschino cherry — it’s safe to say this emoji is the perfect descriptor.
As we began to assemble the ingredients, we quickly realized a key component was missing — the maraschino cherries. No matter how suspicious it might seem that maraschino-cherry-hating Sophie conveniently forgot to buy them, trust that she was absolutely devastated. Luckily for you, dear reader, we are two deeply creative minds who refused to let all hope be lost. Using a cherry tomato as a substitute, we were back in action. They both have “cherry” in the name — how different can they really be?
We’ve never been so afraid to taste something in our lives, and after working up the courage to take a bite, our fears were proven correct. The shredded cheese and canned pear came together to create a nightmarish texture that felt like all five basic tastes thrown into one. Maybe the maraschino cherries were the missing piece that would’ve brought everything together? We’ll never know. We’re nowhere near brave enough to try anything close to this combination again.
Neither of us have ever seen a plate clear that fast — not because we were quick to finish our servings, but because the remains were instantly dumped into the trash.
Sophie’s rating: 4/10
Erin’s rating: 3/10
Entree: Green bean casserole — ‘I will literally flip the dinner table over if I see this dish,’ said Reddit user easy10pins.
Many articles and Reddit threads crown the green bean casserole as the worst Thanksgiving side dish. An amalgamation of every savory flavor you can think of, this recipe combines French fried onions, mushroom soup, milk, and — who could’ve guessed? — green beans.
Despite Reddit user Twinkletoes1951’s assertion that green bean casserole looks like “a bad day in the cat box,” this was somehow our best-looking dish. Considering the mushroom soup initially fell out of its can in a solidified, squishy glob, we were pleasantly surprised that the final product’s appearance didn’t completely make us lose our appetites. Somewhere along the line, we may have misread the recipe and added a little too much of the French fried onions, but who doesn’t love a good crunch? Once we baked it in the oven, it filled the kitchen with an aroma that could only be described as “interesting.”
As you’ll be able to tell by our ratings, this was a mediocre dish. Each bite consisted of bland flavor, an overpowering crunch of onions — definitely not because we added too much — and a suspicious melt-in-your-mouth consistency from the mushroom soup. With every mouthful, we wondered if this is what it would feel like to be a farm animal eating from a trough. If that speaks to you, for whatever reason, then maybe green bean casserole is the dish for you.
Sophie’s rating: 5/10
Erin’s rating: 5/10
Dessert: Mock apple pie — ‘Why would you mock apple pie? Sounds very un-American,’ asked Reddit user Ernstchritton.
An apple pie with a hidden twist: There are zero apples in the recipe. Who would think to substitute that crunchy pome fruit with … Ritz crackers?
Aside from crackers, the recipe called for white and brown sugar, cinnamon, butter, lemon juice, cream of tartar, and a prepared pie shell — perhaps an ideal list of ingredients to fake an apple pie if you are deathly allergic to apples. We boiled the Ritz crackers with some cream of tartar and water. Unsurprisingly, this combo turned out looking an awful lot like a pot of soggy crackers. We, once again, trusted the process and enthusiastically assembled our mock apple pie.
Straight out of the oven, our pie was bubbling with enthusiasm. No, literally — it was gurgling at us. It almost felt as if the pie itself was reprimanding us for not using real apples.
As it cooled, it developed into a gooey, gelatinous mess that never properly solidified. We attempted to slice it, but were left with a melted pile of mush — who says looks are everything, anyway? Despite its appearance, our dish tasted pretty good. It was sweet and sugary, with each bite covered in cinnamon. The soggy Ritz cracker filling, masked by all the sugar and cinnamon, somehow did taste like real apples. I guess you could say that our mock apple pie really did mock an apple pie!
Sophie’s rating: 9/10
Erin’s rating: 7/10
Maybe this article will convince you to venture into something unconventional — or maybe you just needed recipe ideas for an upcoming Friendsgiving with the opps. Nonetheless, if a gourmet meal isn’t what you are after, perhaps you are in search of an unforgettable memory. We definitely had a blast giving these worst-rated recipes a chance, entertained by the chaos and anticipation of tasting our culinary nightmares. Though our stomachs may not have thanked us afterward, we enjoyed an afternoon full of fun and laughter. Because hey, isn’t that what Thanksgiving is all about?
