Out with the old, in with the new. 

Sure, Valentine’s Day is a capitalist gimmick, but does it truly meet the needs of Americans of any age? I am not one to disagree that a lot of Valentine’s Day merchandise is outdated, and doesn’t reflect the changing attitudes of Generations Z and Alpha. 

One of the most recognizable symbols of affection commonly given out for Valentine’s Day are conversation hearts: those chalky, tooth-breaking candies with illegible letters haphazardly smacked on top. The old conversation hearts have such boring and irrelevant catchphrases printed on them, such as “I Love You” and “Only You.” Like other college students, these don’t quite resonate with me the same way they probably do with the elderly, who are colloquially referred to as “Millennials.” On behalf of every young person, I’ve come up with some brand new, more relatable phrases that will be printed on conversation hearts, effective immediately. 

“Streaks?”

I feel that this option is a great replacement for the severely outdated “Call Me” conversation heart. It’s a known fact that the basis for any successful relationship is communication, and so I’ve decided to highlight the most effective method of such: Snapchat Streaks. Nothing is quite as intimate as sending a singular face snap each day with that special someone. You know what they say: a picture is worth a thousand words. Why waste your time excruciating yourself with the painful task of milking your vocabulary to find the “right words to say,” when you could indulge in the most valuable form of communication that is Snapchat? If someone has caught your eye, don’t be afraid to slip them one of these hearts. That fateful streak might blossom into something even bigger: a two-year-long streak with no words actually spoken. 

“What’s your major?”

Hopefully, this next proposal especially touches the hearts of all college students. Picture this: you find yourself at a bustling party, which is already a rare occasion for any UC San Diego student. You lock eyes with someone across the crowd, and they actually approach you. After some typical pleasantries, they hit you with the age-old question: “What’s your major?” In my opinion, this is the perfect conversation starter to really gauge your compatibility with a potential suitor. I mean, who really wants to waste their time with an art major?* This year, it’s time to dodge those red flags bright and early. Next time you see a hottie scooting around campus, feel free to skip straight to the chase and hand them one of these conversation hearts.

*Editor’s Note: Ava DeLuca is, in fact, an art major.

“W Rizz”

What better way to commemorate one’s irresistible charm by saying so in a modern way? This conversation heart perfectly encapsulates the creativity of the young generation. Think of this one as a time capsule for the 2020s. If you’re scared of shooting your shot this V-Day, this conversation heart will take care of it for you. Personally, I have found this one to be the most effective amongst the youth, due to its highly relatable nature and effortless delivery! While you’re at it, feel free to woo away using any applicable slang word. I imagine this one being used alongside such: “Yo skibidi, you gyat some W Rizz. Lemme take you out to Ohio, I promise I won’t fanum tax.” I know that if someone gave me this one, I would be instantly smitten. Come on, UC San Diego, it’s time to get rizzy!