Hunched over in my bedroom back home over two years back — before I could change my own mind with my grubby fingers — I decided to apply for The UCSD Guardian. Nelson, our ever-present Features editor, plucked me from a well of uncertainty and from there, helped shape my writing.

Nelson was always able to pull a piece together when one of us from our very small team couldn’t. I saw him do this often. So when he chose the next Features editors to take over his throne, I was spooked. As Features Editor, I worried that my anxiety and need for space and to just not be would tank the team. What if I couldn’t fill in the Features shoes? In high school, I was painfully anxious and flustered, and interviewing people gave me the jitters. I didn’t want to be her.

So growing pains we did undergo! Section meetings bloomed to be more hands-on and larger; Google Doc tables of intensely vibrant article ideas, spreadsheets for weekly article slots for writers, and Slack for communication becoming voice pieces between my team and me. I, myself, was becoming a bit better at leading and interviewing people with more self-assurance. Having articles and being more self-advocating was great, but I also wanted to give the podium to my team: how were they, really? I was eager to obtain feedback; their input has been paramount. 

And, I have gentleness for my high school self. 

I didn’t have any idea what I was doing at the beginning. I still don’t know what I’m doing in whole, and heck with it.

To Louis, Miriya, and Vivian: I spoke, and there were beautiful voices that responded in tune. Louis, you are kind to individuals, attentive, and always keen on knowing that one guy with a camera in hand. Miriya, you have unfailingly shown up to meetings and had such engaging points with a fairy’s grace. Vivian, you have been present and assertive in meetings and on Slack. You’re going to be a sublime Features editor and help our team rise like fluffy dough. Alex, thank you — you helped market the heck out of us. To those on the copy, art, photo, and design team: you unsung heroes shine. To the Features members that recently joined with contagious enthusiasm and my team as a whole — I’m giddy with what you guys have done and are going to do. I might crash a future random section meeting, and we will get Blue Pepper over a how-to article. You guys rock.  Thank you, Emer, Marjorie, and Raymond. Thank you, Alex, Elise, Troy, Donny, and Praveen — for the laughs and the hearty advice on articles.

Nicole, you are hearteningly understanding and thoroughly kind with every step you take. I only want to be the same for you. I emailed you over the pandemic because your story for LTWR was so heartfelt. I still feel the same way about what you write. My writing and poetry pal — a fluid speaker in all things gameplay, history-oriented, and Dr. Strange. 

Thushani, you lead only with grace.  From meeting in the pits of sixth grade to growing as individuals in high school and then college (you, UC Davis, and me, here), I know that you’re gold. You will rise to continue to push against the status quo and make a stand for communities that need a voice. I keep you in my heart. My conscientious, kind gal.

And Dyar. If I were a rat, I’d chisel away at my food pellet until it became a perfect trinket. For you. Your tenderness has lifted me from my somberest days. I feel … so lucky. I met you for the first time in a small Sociology class at the Cognitive Science building, and man, have you made loving easy. Now, I hear the country D.R. and my ears pique; I see you in Columbia jackets, grape leaves, and Bananagrams. You helped me believe that I have a right to just exist on days, that I was loved, and I have love to give. Wherever you go, you will receive softness. Thank you for reading our paper and my articles. I love you. 

I love the Features team. The realm is our oyster here. I grew into it, and I think my reins are more fitted now. I’m so honored to have been trusted with edits, second opinions, long interviews, and conversations after meetings. This team is in my heart, and I only hope our Features articles have helped one probe a little further at something a bit deeper beneath the surface. Because there always is something there. Thank you, UCSD Guardian. 

Much love,

Eunice