About a week ago, I was laying beside my partner of two years when I discovered he had cheated on me the night of Sun God Festival. I was devastated. While I was sitting around waiting to pick him up from an after party that I was unable to attend, he was catching an Uber back to her place. I’ve been reckoning with what had happened, contemplating the anger that I feel, the betrayal, the humiliation. I went back and forth about what I wanted to do. When I was with him, I felt the urge to look upon him with forgiveness. But the moment I had space to think, I knew what needed to happen. 

Saying goodbye is tough. I shared a very special bond with this person for a very long time. I care very deeply about him. But by the same token, I’ve accepted that we’ve run our course and I feel very appreciative of the time we’ve had together. 

Breakups are awful and getting cheated on sucks, but as much as I hate to admit it there’s something nice about knowing you’re not at fault for the end of a relationship. Of course this is not the way I wanted things to go, but I’ve accepted that there’s nothing I can do about it and that it is time to move on. 

I acknowledge that it’s a rocky road ahead. I know that tears will still well up in my eyes out of nowhere and I’ll still get hit with angry thoughts of, “Why’s he gotta ruin everything?” While I hate to sound corny, at the end of the day I do believe that this breakup, as tough as it is, is a wonderful opportunity to focus on myself. 

I loved spending time with him but, in his absence, I have space to see the friends that I’ve been ghosting and call my grandma who I miss so much. I can finish the DIY mirror I’ve been wanting to do. I can really pour my full concentration into the projects I’m working on and the ambitions I have. I can put myself first.  Plus, I’m about to finish my third year and it’s high time I get my act together. 

I also have space to consider my own feelings and reconnect with more of who I am outside of a relationship. We’ve been together for so long that I’m unsure how to navigate single territory, I’m unsure what being by myself means and what it will look like to not have a person to share in my deepest thoughts and experiences. It’s going to be really tough, — it already is — but I’m sort of looking forward to the independence. 

I’m nervous but excited. It’s been a long time since I acted selfishly and wasn’t constantly considering how my choices affect this other individual. I’m not great with setting boundaries, so I’m feeling very proud of this decision that I’ve made and I’m hopeful for this new chapter. I’m looking forward to rediscovering my value and reminding myself of all that I am capable of on my own. 

This is totally going to suck. But I know it’s going to be okay, and I firmly believe that things work out the way they’re supposed to. Things happen for a reason and what’s right for you now might be different than what’s right for you in the future. So, a bittersweet farewell to a wonderful chapter in my life and an excited greeting to what lies ahead.  

Photo by Yuvraj Singh on Unsplash.com