DisreGuardian: Pedro Pascal is My Father

Erik Wieboldt, Lifestyle Guest Writer

If you’ve been anywhere on the internet this year, you know as well as I do how popular Pedro Pascal has become. He truly is the breakout star of 2023 with his incredible talent, down-to-earth personality, and good looks. CNN even dubbed him the “internet’s ‘daddy,’” which says a lot. 

Earlier this year, my parents told me that I was adopted. I wasn’t really angered by the revelation, but it did take me aback. For the longest time, I thought I was Irish. And I am Irish, but, apparently, I’m also adopted. 

In a strange twist of fate, the actor that I have been obsessing over in the “Mandalorian” and “The Last of Us” may actually be my biological father. When I created my Ancestry.com profile, I found out that, at some point, I was legally adopted by a man named Pedro Pascal. It could just be a clerical error, but I would like to believe otherwise. 

It’s been riveting watching Pedro Pascal act as a father figure for Grogu and Ellie. Of course, someone like him would be a real-life father and coincidentally, my own dad. Honestly, the strangest thing at this point is the people calling my potential biological father “daddy” because yeah, to me, he is now. At least now I know where my good looks and proclivity to science fiction comes from. I’m excited to see him go far in life, and hopefully, I can meet him one day. But until that day, I’m happy knowing Pedro Pascal could be/is my dad(dy).

Editor’s Note: The following is a satirical article for The DisreGuardian, a series of articles published annually for The Guardian’s April Fool’s issue. Lifestyle will resume publishing normal content next week.

Art by Alex Olsen of the UCSD Guardian