Shame on Janet Napolitano for Rigging the A.S. Elections

    Shame on Janet Napolitano for Rigging the A.S. Elections

    From administration’s hushed installation of spyware on UC student and faculty devices earlier this year to the distinctly unpredictable A.S. campaign unfolding before us, it’s clear that something is up. This something — the UCSD Guardian Editorial Board confidently believes — has a name. It’s Janet Napolitano.

    If you recall, Napolitano and the University of California Office of the President installed — with taxpayer dollars — spyware systems across the UC system in an attempt to prevent breaches that happened at UCLA and at UC Berkeley. This gives them unfettered access to the searches of students and professors alike, certainly including search histories. It is with this data that Napolitano was able to hack into the Amazon wishlists of the candidates for UCSD’s A.S. elections, purchase every single luxurious, dreamy product — new editions of textbooks and Student Loan Coupons, to name a couple — and bribe candidates with the contents of their lists, in exchange for a dropout from the race.

    Some may initially question Napolitano’s motives, claiming that she wouldn’t bother with something trivial while she already has a secure, well-paying job. But one look into Janet’s background information tells a different story.

    Before being the president of UC system, Napolitano worked as Arizona’s governor and as the Secretary of the the Department of Homeland Security from 2009 to 2013. In late 2013, she took her current position on a dare from President Obama. They were playing a game of White House basketball when Napolitano told Obama she could out-dunk him and everyone in the Obama family. At that moment, Michelle emerged onto the court in a head-to-toe Adidas look, consisting of a gleaming white tennis skirt, tank, pair of Season 3 Yeezy Boosts and a necklace that said “Whose House?”, physically blinding Janet as she dunked not once, not twice, but 45 times.

    Fast-forward to Napolitano as the UC president, regretting her naive bet with the Obama family, her exile to the UC system, and her ploy to get out of the institution without quitting or getting fired, as both would stain her otherwise perfect resume. It is with this motive that Napolitano coerced — only partially successfully — the candidates of the A.S. election to drop out of the race, leaving UCSD to be in ruins, in chaos, in anarchy, and to slowly begin the demise of the university.

    What’s worse is that Napolitano did not work alone. Have you heard of her accomplice and corroborator, Linda P.B. Kaheli? You may know her as an administrator for DeVry, a for-profit university for which she started working while being chancellor. We know that Napolitano said “I appreciate that Chancellor Katehi has apologized” in a statement reported by the L.A. Times, but what isn’t noted is that in sign language she was simultaneously saying what appears to be “Cuz my ass ain’t about to!”

    What’s clear is that Napalitano manipulated Katehi into testing the waters for concurrent employment due to her greed. we have all been played by She Who Shall Not Remain as our UC president.

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