Chancellor Khosla To Serve as UCSD’s Newest Therapy Fluffy

    Chancellor Kholfred
    Chancellor Kholfred

    In an effort to improve the relationship between students and administration, UCSD Chancellor Pradeep Khosla has volunteered to serve as a therapy fluffy to help students relieve stress during the academic quarter.

    Khosla’s press release stated that “immediate, affectionate interaction is needed to bring students and the UCSD administration closer together.” Moreover, it boasted of the qualities that make University of California administrators inherently superior to dogs, citing “cleanliness, a longer lifespan and ease of house-training.”

    Khosla, dressed head-to-toe in a Wilfred-esque costume, began his first day of service at The Zone this past Monday accompanied by one of the usual therapy-certified labrador retrievers.

    “The relationship between students and faculty has eroded in the past few years,” Khosla told the UCSD Guardian on-site. “This is a chance to roll over the past, lay down some groundwork and breed that connection.”

    Khosla cut the interview short when he noticed students playing with the labrador. The chancellor, in a fit of jealousy, wrestled the pooch away from the students and sat down in its place.

    After seconds of uncomfortable silence, Khosla laughed it off before demanding the students to rub his belly.

    A.S. President Dominick Suvonnasopa, who was present at the event, expressed hope that the program would be successful.

    “UCSD is currently experiencing a mental health crisis,” Suvonnasopa said. “If students petting their leaders is what it takes, then it’s time for them to dog-suit up.”

    Despite creating a general sense of unease among the day’s crowd, the chancellor gave it the old college try.

    Khosla expressed his excitement over possibly transitioning into a full-time therapy fluffy in lieu of retirement. He was last observed fishing through the pockets of unaware students, claiming that it was for “supplemental tuition fees.”

    Leave a Comment
    Donate to The UCSD Guardian
    $2505
    $5000
    Contributed
    Our Goal

    Your donation will support the student journalists at University of California, San Diego. Your contribution will allow us to purchase equipment, keep printing our papers, and cover our annual website hosting costs.

    More to Discover
    Donate to The UCSD Guardian
    $2505
    $5000
    Contributed
    Our Goal

    Comments (0)

    All The UCSD Guardian Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *