UCSD Confessions: A Bunch of Baloney

The posts range from inappropriate solicitations reminiscent of Craiglists’ “Casual Encounters” and stories of peeing on door handles, to raunchy tales of wild party mishaps and hook-ups with TAs. From this page, one might presume that UCSD is a rampant sex-crazed campus, and that the campus climate rivals that of “Animal House”’s Faber College. While I disapprove of the “UC Socially Dead” moniker, I am guessing that a considerable percentage of entries are flat-out figments of overactive imaginations, while others have been exaggerated for a “cool” or “keeping up with the Joneses” factor.

Stripped of personal accountability, anonymous confessions can go one of two ways — people may find themselves either more prone to telling the truth, or more likely to exaggerate. In this case, I am leaning more toward the latter. On Urban Dictionary, searching for UCSD brings up snarky entries such as “campus with self-described smart people who are afraid of socializing outside a laboratory” and “10 guys + 2 cupcakes + 1 dorm room = UCSD Party!” While these mockeries are harsh, on weekends it does seem to be an unfailing phenomenon that Price Center is populated with students studying.

What I imagine goes down is something like this: Equipped with what they believe to be a ‘scandalous’ confession, people scroll through the page only to read others and feel the need to take their story up a notch, or three. Or 10. Cutting off the “Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law” mattress tag suddenly becomes having a massive sex-fest on said mattress; accidentally leaving all the apartment lights on at night becomes holding a black light rager where you ‘passed out and don’t remember anything’; and studying at Geisel library becomes hooking up with a professor behind a bookshelf.

I once saw a poster in the Food Co-Op of an array of young celebrity mug shots with statements underneath their pictures stating their respective crimes. Some captions boasted the usual heinous offenses — rape, arson, armed robbery — but in a little corner sat a goofy shot of young Bill Gates with moppy hair and oversized 70s nerd glasses with the caption, “Traffic Violation.” The juxtaposition of this against the others made for a very comical effect. The same applies to this Confessions page — everyone wants their story to top the others, and no one wants to be Bill Gates in this circumstance.

I could be entirely wrong — maybe I should be eyeing these biology nerds with suspicion. One thing is for sure though: I’d rather believe that students are having crazy threesomes every night, than accept that someone is actually discharging bodily fluids into Goody’s guacamole sauce.

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