The Love Doctor — Advice From San Diego’s Number One Dating Expert

Though a good 60 percent of her clients are San Diego natives like herself, she does regular Skype and phone sessions with singles as far as the United Arab Emirates, Germany and the UK.

It all began when Lorraine’s parents divorced when she was 8 years old.

“Seeing that relationship fall apart made me have this mission to understand relationships better,” she said. “I wanted to figure out how to make them work, so the same thing didn’t happen to me.”

She said growing up with four brothers and mostly male cousins and uncles helped her understand men.

“I really got familiar with the male brain and its secrets,” Lorraine said. “I figured out what turns them on or off.”

Lorraine is confident this led her to gain an intuitive understanding of people in relationships.

“I became that girl people would come to for advice,” she said. “It was very natural for me to teach people how to attract people, how to make things work in relationships.”

Everyone, she believes, deserves to find true love.

“People deserve to have amazing, delicious relationships — not just ones that are okay, or that just work. People should get a lot of pleasure from their relationships,” she said.

As for us, Lorraine said that college students need to keep in mind that the dating scene in the real world is not the same. The hook-up culture that is such an integral part of college dating life (soon to be detailed on the new blog UCSD Sex Chronicles — ucsdsexchronicles. wordpress.com) is mostly absent after college, she said.

“In the real world you have to take a traditional and serious approach to dating,” she said. “You need to go to nicer places. You need to stop texting and start calling the guy or girl you want to date. And on top of all that, you need to get your career on track. Getting wasted is not as appealing once you have graduated.”

Lorraine said that many of her clients want to find the “perfect” relationship immediately. However, Lorraine said she views finding love as a process that takes time and requires making mistakes and going on many bad dates before something works.

Lorraine said that, in her experience, women are generally the first to mature.

“The men see them and follow,” she said.

Lorraine believes that students in relationships should spend about 60 percent of their time with a significant other and the other 40 percent alone or with friends.

“College is where you develop your identity,” she said. “Any more than that and your identities start to merge too much.”

Another thing to watch out for is technology, and the hook-up culture it perpetuates, Lorraine said.

“Things were much more formal back in the day,” she said. “You’d have to put a lot more effort to get a date.”

Moreover, Lorraine believes that technology is making us lazy.

“Things are much more last minute on Facebook and with texting,” she said. “Texting especially allows people to be flakey. Back in the day, people couldn’t be that way: You couldn’t cancel an hour before an event because they’d already be there. You had a stronger relationship with your word.”

Overall, Lorraine worries that social skills have started to decline. But she is not completely against texting or social media.

“I think it’s a great tool to enhance attraction,” she said.

Used in between dates to leave “cute” or “sexy” text messages, Lorraine said she has seen it keep connections alive and leave partners wanting more. Flirtatious text messages are most useful in long-term relationships.

Lorraine also stresses that you should not “friend” someone you are dating on Facebook until you know where the relationship is going. She goes so far as to say that every couple should have a conversation about “friending” each other.

Facebook and other forms of social media are new to our generation, allowing us to stalk our partners without their knowledge.

“Facebook can cause you to misconstrue things and believe that your partner is cheating on you,” Lorraine said. “This can cause strife and tension in any relationship. If I’m dating someone, and he’s with eight girls every Friday night, then of course I’ll be concerned.”

Lorraine recommends adding someone you’re dating only when things have started to become serious.

“If you are in a long term relationship, you shouldn’t have secrets from your partner that can be found on Facebook,” she said. “And if you’re not, then you shouldn’t get mad at the person you’re dating, because you guys aren’t official.”

When it comes to sex, Lorraine recommended people stick to the “five-date rule.” She feels that five dates are the bare minimum necessary to get to know a person.

“It’s enough time to fact-check words with behavior,” she said.

She noted that women have to be especially careful because they are more likely to grow attached to a partner after having sex. Still, she said, it is important to go on dates in college.

“You should have a good time,” she said.

It’s not the same after graduation, she said.

“The biological clocks start ticking. Suddenly, hooking up with three girls at a party seems less appealing than a nice Italian dinner,” Lorraine said. “The real world will be very different, but better.”